Little Miss Chloe,
Being a father is such a wonderful experience. Even when you cry and scream like there is no tomorrow it only encourages me that much more to cure whatever is ailing you. There was one thing I never really thought of when you were gestating inside the womb, and that is becoming a professional juggler. You and your Mom mean the world to me, but it is a very delicate balancing act to make sure that I treat my two Princesses the way they deserve. At night when I get off from work, holding you in my arms puts my mind at ease. You always seem to pre-poop when I hold you, and then just as soon as we get settled back into our comfy loveseat you really let it loose and it's back to the changing station again. I would change you a million times over if I could, even though sometimes when you are kicking your legs and flailing your arms you remind of a turtle that has rolled onto it's shell. You remind me alot of your mother and myself, already I can see the both of us in your budding personality. You should feel special, more conversations began by me or others are about you and your wonderful mother.
Chloe I know that as you grow I am going to miss your helpfulness, I secretly pray that you will always cling to me the way you did when I first let you wrap your little fingers around mine when you were in the hospital. At night your coo's and sleeping noises make for a peaceful night's sleep. I love you Chloe Jade, and even though the induced labor was not the most pleasant experience I feel closer to your Mother than I ever thought possible. We are so blessed, there is nothing in the world like being a family. One of my favorite songs by Eminem says "I'm trying to give you the life I never had". You and your mother have already done that for me.
Friday, March 14, 2008
Bigfoot
These Chuck's are Chloe's Easter shoes I found on Ebay.
She didn't like me trying to put them on and taking pictures of her in the sunlight. She started crying. Well, I can't get a decent picture of a wailing baby sporting new Chucks! So I found her the original pacifier, her very first one- from hospital. It had been in a jacket that I lent to a friend when she stopped by a week ago. Chloe normally doesn't like pacifiers but she obviously enjoyed this missing one. She kept holding her hand over it when I tried taking it out of her mouth for a photograph.
She didn't like me trying to put them on and taking pictures of her in the sunlight. She started crying. Well, I can't get a decent picture of a wailing baby sporting new Chucks! So I found her the original pacifier, her very first one- from hospital. It had been in a jacket that I lent to a friend when she stopped by a week ago. Chloe normally doesn't like pacifiers but she obviously enjoyed this missing one. She kept holding her hand over it when I tried taking it out of her mouth for a photograph.
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Crazy On You
Dear Chloe,
It has been a much easier week. I'm not having the baby blues anymore so I am pulling out of the waah-waahing contest, you win. My nipples have adjusted to the daily suckage so I don't feel like you have jaws of steel when you latch on. I can carefully wipe with toliet paper after I use the restroom and it takes me less than 60 seconds to get up and sit down. What more could a new mom ask for?
It's been an easy adjustment because you really are a good baby. The first week was hard because your Dad was still sore from his car accident, then he had to run all the errands and pay the bills because we'd been in the hospital for several days. I felt really scared and alone when he had to go back to work. We did fine though and most of our hours are spent on the futon doing this:
It can be hard because I'm breastfeeding. Some days, I feel lucky to get a shower. Like on this day, your Dad took this picture before I could even brush my hair after my shower. Life is lived in segments now. Shower, tend to you, lotion my body, tend to you, brush my teeth, tend to you, brush my hair, tend to you. If I attempt to fix dinner, it's prepared the same way.
Your Dad was feeling a little left out since I'm your personal pacifier. Dad felt like he couldn't comfort you when you were crying and hungry. He's great about changing your diaper. He'll change you and five minutes later you blow it up again. He doesn't complain, he just carries you back into the nursery for another round. We've found that Dad's your dose Tylenol PM. After I feed you, he'll burp you and you'll pass out in his arms. Every night, you and your Dad will fall asleep together with his arm protectively wrapped around you. I'll wake you and feed you again before we go to bed and you're always toasty because you were wrapped up in his arms. I love your Dad even more when I watch you two sleep.
We finally left the house last night and went to my Dad's for dinner. We left around 8:30pm and it was dark driving out of the country club compound. We were only going about 15mph when I remembered I needed to warn your Dad about the speed bumps ahead. I couldn't get the words out fast enough and before I knew it, it felt like we were popping wheelies over the speed bumps. I heard you in the back after we jumped the bump let out a "huuuuhh" like someone pushed you off the swing set. That was the only peep you made the entire way home. Your Dad and I laughed loudly and that didn't even cause you to stir.
When we got off the highway, your Dad abruptly pulled over. I thought he'd missed the shortcut my dad had told him about to take home. Then, I saw a car whip around us and your Dad yelled, "HEY!". I looked over at him and he was furious. "That car was tailgating too close, they could have hit us with Chloe in the car!" We get back on the road and the car that was tailgating pulls over at the turn we make to go home. Your Dad pulls up next to them. Inside, were five teenage punks probably drunk or high. Your Dad rolls down the window and tells them they were driving irresponsibly, "There is a newborn baby in this car!" The thugs in the back seat tell us to f*ck off and start to exit the car. I tell Jerry to "Go, GO!". Chloe, your Dad loves you so much, he'd take on a posse of teenage punks for you.
The first thought that ran through my mind was, "what if these jerks have a gun"? The second thought was, "I feel so old". We are now parents lecturing children on their driving abilities. Then, I thought about how protective your Dad is when it comes to you. I thought how he'll probably go bonkers when you start dating. I'll need to rob the pharmacy for Valium. The song, "Crazy On You" was running through my head.
I don't blame Dad for being so defensive about driving. He was in a horrible accident a week before you were born. It's a miracle he was able to walk away from the scene. He'd just dropped me off at work. If I ever believed in a higher power, it was the day of the accident. If I'd been in the car, pregnant with you, I have no doubt we wouldn't have survived. I don't know how I'd spiritually survive if your Dad was critically injured right before your birth. Someone was looking out for us.
You've changed my life, Chloe. I now know the meaning of selfless, you come first. I no longer shop on Ebay for myself. The last two days, I've been searching for an Easter outfit for you. I can't wait to dye eggs, fill baskets, hide candy and dress you up every Easter. Oh, the adventures and fun we will have, my little fuzzy bunny.
It has been a much easier week. I'm not having the baby blues anymore so I am pulling out of the waah-waahing contest, you win. My nipples have adjusted to the daily suckage so I don't feel like you have jaws of steel when you latch on. I can carefully wipe with toliet paper after I use the restroom and it takes me less than 60 seconds to get up and sit down. What more could a new mom ask for?
It's been an easy adjustment because you really are a good baby. The first week was hard because your Dad was still sore from his car accident, then he had to run all the errands and pay the bills because we'd been in the hospital for several days. I felt really scared and alone when he had to go back to work. We did fine though and most of our hours are spent on the futon doing this:
It can be hard because I'm breastfeeding. Some days, I feel lucky to get a shower. Like on this day, your Dad took this picture before I could even brush my hair after my shower. Life is lived in segments now. Shower, tend to you, lotion my body, tend to you, brush my teeth, tend to you, brush my hair, tend to you. If I attempt to fix dinner, it's prepared the same way.
Your Dad was feeling a little left out since I'm your personal pacifier. Dad felt like he couldn't comfort you when you were crying and hungry. He's great about changing your diaper. He'll change you and five minutes later you blow it up again. He doesn't complain, he just carries you back into the nursery for another round. We've found that Dad's your dose Tylenol PM. After I feed you, he'll burp you and you'll pass out in his arms. Every night, you and your Dad will fall asleep together with his arm protectively wrapped around you. I'll wake you and feed you again before we go to bed and you're always toasty because you were wrapped up in his arms. I love your Dad even more when I watch you two sleep.
We finally left the house last night and went to my Dad's for dinner. We left around 8:30pm and it was dark driving out of the country club compound. We were only going about 15mph when I remembered I needed to warn your Dad about the speed bumps ahead. I couldn't get the words out fast enough and before I knew it, it felt like we were popping wheelies over the speed bumps. I heard you in the back after we jumped the bump let out a "huuuuhh" like someone pushed you off the swing set. That was the only peep you made the entire way home. Your Dad and I laughed loudly and that didn't even cause you to stir.
When we got off the highway, your Dad abruptly pulled over. I thought he'd missed the shortcut my dad had told him about to take home. Then, I saw a car whip around us and your Dad yelled, "HEY!". I looked over at him and he was furious. "That car was tailgating too close, they could have hit us with Chloe in the car!" We get back on the road and the car that was tailgating pulls over at the turn we make to go home. Your Dad pulls up next to them. Inside, were five teenage punks probably drunk or high. Your Dad rolls down the window and tells them they were driving irresponsibly, "There is a newborn baby in this car!" The thugs in the back seat tell us to f*ck off and start to exit the car. I tell Jerry to "Go, GO!". Chloe, your Dad loves you so much, he'd take on a posse of teenage punks for you.
The first thought that ran through my mind was, "what if these jerks have a gun"? The second thought was, "I feel so old". We are now parents lecturing children on their driving abilities. Then, I thought about how protective your Dad is when it comes to you. I thought how he'll probably go bonkers when you start dating. I'll need to rob the pharmacy for Valium. The song, "Crazy On You" was running through my head.
I don't blame Dad for being so defensive about driving. He was in a horrible accident a week before you were born. It's a miracle he was able to walk away from the scene. He'd just dropped me off at work. If I ever believed in a higher power, it was the day of the accident. If I'd been in the car, pregnant with you, I have no doubt we wouldn't have survived. I don't know how I'd spiritually survive if your Dad was critically injured right before your birth. Someone was looking out for us.
You've changed my life, Chloe. I now know the meaning of selfless, you come first. I no longer shop on Ebay for myself. The last two days, I've been searching for an Easter outfit for you. I can't wait to dye eggs, fill baskets, hide candy and dress you up every Easter. Oh, the adventures and fun we will have, my little fuzzy bunny.
Saturday, March 8, 2008
Ch-ch-changes...........
Little Miss Chloe:
I have been your Dad for one week and two days. so far my on the job approval rating is like that of our current president. It's hard, because I can't supply your food and you require your mother a great deal more right now in order to grow. I took right to changing diapers, I am "trying" to quit smoking. Every time I smoke outside I wash my hands and face when I come back in so I can be near you. But so much had to be done in the last week. I feel like I barely get to do the thing I want to do most and almost lost the chance to do. And that would of course be being your Father and Michelle's companion.
When you want to be, you are an angel. You don't like to be touched while you are sleeping. The running joke in the house between your mother and I for months has been about that characteristic in me. "Get off me" is what I'll say when she is trying to love on me while I am sleeping. And when I kiss you when sleeping, you frown and I can imagine you thinking the same.
Life has changed a whole lot since your Mom and I joined paths. When we met, we lived in a one bedroom apartment with bare walls and spent our time talking, listening to music and absorbing each others lives. Now I pull into a three acre yard after my shift is over, walk up our sidewalk and go into our beautiful home where my two princesses lay soundly asleep.
We are so blessed to have you Chloe, you are the icing on our newly baked cake.
I have been your Dad for one week and two days. so far my on the job approval rating is like that of our current president. It's hard, because I can't supply your food and you require your mother a great deal more right now in order to grow. I took right to changing diapers, I am "trying" to quit smoking. Every time I smoke outside I wash my hands and face when I come back in so I can be near you. But so much had to be done in the last week. I feel like I barely get to do the thing I want to do most and almost lost the chance to do. And that would of course be being your Father and Michelle's companion.
When you want to be, you are an angel. You don't like to be touched while you are sleeping. The running joke in the house between your mother and I for months has been about that characteristic in me. "Get off me" is what I'll say when she is trying to love on me while I am sleeping. And when I kiss you when sleeping, you frown and I can imagine you thinking the same.
Life has changed a whole lot since your Mom and I joined paths. When we met, we lived in a one bedroom apartment with bare walls and spent our time talking, listening to music and absorbing each others lives. Now I pull into a three acre yard after my shift is over, walk up our sidewalk and go into our beautiful home where my two princesses lay soundly asleep.
We are so blessed to have you Chloe, you are the icing on our newly baked cake.
Friday, March 7, 2008
One Week
Dear Chloe,
Sometimes when I look at you, it's hard to believe just a week ago, you were stuffed inside of me. You must be pretzel girl because you were so big to be contorted inside my belly. I'm still in shock when I look at your perfect little body and realize we created you. I play with your ten tiny toes and fingers when I hold you in my lap, you have long digits like me. I think you look more like your Dad right now, your face is more round like his than long like mine. I don't know what color your eyes will be yet, they still have that newborn blue color.
I sometimes doubted my ability to love and my mothering skills when I was pregnant. For 31 years, I was independent and free. I was afraid I would feel resentful of another being completely depending on me. I love you more in one week than I have loved in a lifetime. I remember hearing other kids cry and I would get so annoyed. "Would someone please shut that kid up!" It's different with you, it hurts to hear you cry. Thank God you are such a good baby, you only cry when you need something. When you cry, I have a maternal instinct to rush to your side and help you. I will hold my pee if you start crying so I can comfort you. I don't follow the philosphy of "let babies cry, it's good for them". I know you are trying to tell me something and it's my duty to figure out what.
You aren't a fan of feeling clean. You get so angry when we bathe you, I almost hate to do it. You open your mouth wide and let out such loud wails that it shocks me you are capable of making such noise. The other night, your Dad helped me bathe you and held you over a bowl while I washed your hair. You were so upset, your entire body got red because you cried so hard. I guess you were trying to send a message when you proceeded to poop on your Dad's jeans while I was rinsing shampoo out your hair. Better him than me, you made me laugh hard.
You are easy to breast feed. The first two days were tough because my milk hadn't come in and you were hungry. You'd want to nurse almost constantly, sucking with no success. Hey, I'd be pissed too if somebody gave me a empty Diet Pepsi can with a straw. Now, that my milk is in, I'm shocked to finally have boobs. Before I was just nips. You are funny when when you are hungry. You do this head bobbing action that reminds me of a chicken pecking the ground. When you are put to my breast, you make all sorts of noises. Some are grunts like a pig and some sound like a tiger feasting on a gazelle. When you finally latch on you make coo's of contentment like you are getting a swedish massage at the Ritz. Sometimes, you are so excited to feed, you furiously root around and get mad because my nipple isn't magically in your mouth. This usually happens after I have showered. You don't like clean nips. You will taste them and make a disgusted face. You have to keep taste testing until you slobbered them up enough that they smell like you again.
I started to have some of the baby blues which I guess is normal. Sometimes, I just want to cry. One day it's because I feel lonely. Mostly it's because I'm struggling with my body image. I think I'll never feel sexy again. When I undress and get into the shower, I have cried on a few occasions. I know I can't expect to be back to my prepregnancy size in a week but it still shocks me when I see a belly that looks three months pregnant. The worse part is the healing of my va-jay-jay. Everytime I go to the bathroom, I have to use a squirt bottle because it's too painful to wipe. I'm scared to look because I'm afraid I'll never be normal again. It's like I'm damaged goods, a can of green beans that's been dropped too hard that bears a huge dent. Then, I feel guilty for having these feelings because I got what I have always wished for; a happy and healthy baby.
Your grandma, my mom came over last night and brought us Thai food, my favorite! She spent the night with us. She listened and patted my back while I cried about my insecurities. That's all I needed to feel better, to feel loved and understood. She held you while I sat in a salt bath which I cut short because I heard you crying. When I got out, I starting talking to you. "I'll be right there, Chloe!", I called out from the bathroom. Mom said you calmed down and turned your head listening for my voice. It makes me feel like an Oscar trophy knowing I can comfort you by just the sound of my voice. Grandma, you and I all cuddled in the bed together and watched the movie "Big". I fed you one last time before I turned off the TV. My mom gave me a hug goodnight and said, "I love you honey. I'm so proud of you for being such a good, attentive mother." It meant the world to me. All those bad feeling I'd been having about myself were erased. Maybe I won't be the ripped, triathlete that had a tight ass in spandex shorts and just nips in jog bra but it's not so important anymore. You are my number one priority now. One day, my baby snail, I hope to hold and comfort you after you give birth to your child and tell you what a great mama you are too.
Sometimes when I look at you, it's hard to believe just a week ago, you were stuffed inside of me. You must be pretzel girl because you were so big to be contorted inside my belly. I'm still in shock when I look at your perfect little body and realize we created you. I play with your ten tiny toes and fingers when I hold you in my lap, you have long digits like me. I think you look more like your Dad right now, your face is more round like his than long like mine. I don't know what color your eyes will be yet, they still have that newborn blue color.
I sometimes doubted my ability to love and my mothering skills when I was pregnant. For 31 years, I was independent and free. I was afraid I would feel resentful of another being completely depending on me. I love you more in one week than I have loved in a lifetime. I remember hearing other kids cry and I would get so annoyed. "Would someone please shut that kid up!" It's different with you, it hurts to hear you cry. Thank God you are such a good baby, you only cry when you need something. When you cry, I have a maternal instinct to rush to your side and help you. I will hold my pee if you start crying so I can comfort you. I don't follow the philosphy of "let babies cry, it's good for them". I know you are trying to tell me something and it's my duty to figure out what.
You aren't a fan of feeling clean. You get so angry when we bathe you, I almost hate to do it. You open your mouth wide and let out such loud wails that it shocks me you are capable of making such noise. The other night, your Dad helped me bathe you and held you over a bowl while I washed your hair. You were so upset, your entire body got red because you cried so hard. I guess you were trying to send a message when you proceeded to poop on your Dad's jeans while I was rinsing shampoo out your hair. Better him than me, you made me laugh hard.
You are easy to breast feed. The first two days were tough because my milk hadn't come in and you were hungry. You'd want to nurse almost constantly, sucking with no success. Hey, I'd be pissed too if somebody gave me a empty Diet Pepsi can with a straw. Now, that my milk is in, I'm shocked to finally have boobs. Before I was just nips. You are funny when when you are hungry. You do this head bobbing action that reminds me of a chicken pecking the ground. When you are put to my breast, you make all sorts of noises. Some are grunts like a pig and some sound like a tiger feasting on a gazelle. When you finally latch on you make coo's of contentment like you are getting a swedish massage at the Ritz. Sometimes, you are so excited to feed, you furiously root around and get mad because my nipple isn't magically in your mouth. This usually happens after I have showered. You don't like clean nips. You will taste them and make a disgusted face. You have to keep taste testing until you slobbered them up enough that they smell like you again.
I started to have some of the baby blues which I guess is normal. Sometimes, I just want to cry. One day it's because I feel lonely. Mostly it's because I'm struggling with my body image. I think I'll never feel sexy again. When I undress and get into the shower, I have cried on a few occasions. I know I can't expect to be back to my prepregnancy size in a week but it still shocks me when I see a belly that looks three months pregnant. The worse part is the healing of my va-jay-jay. Everytime I go to the bathroom, I have to use a squirt bottle because it's too painful to wipe. I'm scared to look because I'm afraid I'll never be normal again. It's like I'm damaged goods, a can of green beans that's been dropped too hard that bears a huge dent. Then, I feel guilty for having these feelings because I got what I have always wished for; a happy and healthy baby.
Your grandma, my mom came over last night and brought us Thai food, my favorite! She spent the night with us. She listened and patted my back while I cried about my insecurities. That's all I needed to feel better, to feel loved and understood. She held you while I sat in a salt bath which I cut short because I heard you crying. When I got out, I starting talking to you. "I'll be right there, Chloe!", I called out from the bathroom. Mom said you calmed down and turned your head listening for my voice. It makes me feel like an Oscar trophy knowing I can comfort you by just the sound of my voice. Grandma, you and I all cuddled in the bed together and watched the movie "Big". I fed you one last time before I turned off the TV. My mom gave me a hug goodnight and said, "I love you honey. I'm so proud of you for being such a good, attentive mother." It meant the world to me. All those bad feeling I'd been having about myself were erased. Maybe I won't be the ripped, triathlete that had a tight ass in spandex shorts and just nips in jog bra but it's not so important anymore. You are my number one priority now. One day, my baby snail, I hope to hold and comfort you after you give birth to your child and tell you what a great mama you are too.
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
Chloe's Photo Shoot
I have cabin fever. I can't drive for two weeks. The doctor said I shouldn't take Chloe out in public for 28 days because it's flu season. I felt pretty good this morning. Chloe really is a good baby because she allows me sleep! She seems to cluster feed. Eating almost constantly from 3-8pm. It's odd because this is when I'd eat when I was pregnant because I was too busy to eat at work. I'll feed her again around 11pm and she usually will sleep for five hours at night, wake around 4am, feed again and sleep until 8am.
I cleaned and vacuumed the house since I was feeling better. Then, I broke out Chloe's stroller and went for a three mile walk until it started to rain. By the time I ate lunch, I was in pain and real tired. I guess I over did it today. So, I decided to take a Motrin and take some pictures of Chloe. Jerry bought me a dozen roses today too!
I cleaned and vacuumed the house since I was feeling better. Then, I broke out Chloe's stroller and went for a three mile walk until it started to rain. By the time I ate lunch, I was in pain and real tired. I guess I over did it today. So, I decided to take a Motrin and take some pictures of Chloe. Jerry bought me a dozen roses today too!
Sunday, March 2, 2008
From the other side of the bed...
Friday of last week we had quite a scare. Michelle had decided to goto work one last time and say goodbye to all the customers who had been so kind to her. I dropped in to check on her and she was very flushed. I asked her if she wanted to go home and she said no, so I went back to running errands and waited for her to get off work. I recieved a text saying that she was on her way to the doctor. I was on my home to pack the truck for the trip to the hospital and had to turn around. The ob-gyn sent her to the hospital and I met her there. We had to register, and then go to the 2nd floor. I thought, this is it, here comes Chloe. So they make Michelle change into a hospital gown and hook up a fetal monitor and blood pressure cuff. Her blood pressure went back to mormal, but we waited forever for her labs to be read so we could go home. the doctor wanted to induce but we were insistent on Chloe coming out on her own time, not theirs. So Michelle and I went to Golden Corral and then home. Sunday night Michelle looked flushed again so I asked her to go the Doctor first thing in the morning because it was best for her and Chloe. We had done such a good job of making sure that Chloe and the pregnancy were well takne care of and there was no reason to stop now. I know she was scared, I honestly began to think that she was trying to have Chloe at the house instead of the hospital.
The next morning she went to the doctor. I met her in the parking lot and she told me we were going to have to let them indue labor and needed to be at the hospital at 8:00pm that night. My heart was pounding. So we spent what I thought was going to be our last day alone, and went to Ruby Tuesday's on a date as our "last meal".
We were ten minutes late getting to the hospital. I had no idea how insignificant that amount of time would become after the next several days.
Once we were in the room it was the normal routine. Lose the clothes, get into bed. The nurse came in the room and inserted the Cervadil, it was the closest I ever came to decking a woman. I have seen at least eight different sets of hands on ichelle's vagina in the last ten months and this lady was really rough and hurtful. I wantd to cry as michelle contracted through the night, there was nothing I could do to help her.
The next morning bright and early the Pitocin started. And so did the contractions. Michelle held onto the bed rail and whimpered. I had to be strong and not cry, but inside my heart was breaking. Ten minutes before they were supposed to stop the Pitocin for the day Michelle's contractions began to look like mountains on the monintor. I went to her side and held her hand, and stroked her beautiful hair. when the Pitocin stopped so did the contactions, but when Michelle went to the bathroom there was blood. Progress,and now I knew what had to be done. I had been so stupid, we had to work together like we always had to make this work.
So the next morning at 6 sharp the pitocin started again. Michelle went to pee and guess what. Her mucus plug came out. My heart started to race. Chloe was getting closer. Peg, the most excellent mid-wife in the entire world came in and checked Michelle. She said "why don't we break your water, do an epidural and get things moving along'. Even though I knew it wasn't going to be fun for Michelle, The thought of holding Chloe just kept racing inside my head. So Peg used an instrument to break her water and then the anesthesiologhist came in. Michelle was rolled towards me and I know the look on my face had to bely the feelings of angst and compassion. After ten minutes Michelle was a whole new woman. And now more forward progress was to come, because without Michelle tensing up the contractions were making much more progress. Peg came in to check and told us she was 90% effaced and dilated to 9mm. She had Michelle sit up for 20 minutes to see of Chloe would rotate because her head was facing up not down. Those twenty minutes stretched on forever. Twenty five minutes later peg and another hurse entered the room. One lady was on her right side and I was on her left. Every time she pushed I held her leg by her foot and put my hand behind the nape of her neck and told her what a great job she was doing. An hour and fifteen minutes into it Chloe was as far as she could go on her on and Michelle had to be cut. I looked after it was done, and watched fifteen minutes later when chloe popped out of her like a jack in the box. After all the heart-ache that we had endured over the last couple of days, all was erased when I saw Chloe for the first time. Her head was bent from the pushing, but she was the most beautiful little girl in the whole world. I rememeber kissing Michelle and telling her, I even slipped her a little tongue. There was my beautiful companion, and lying on her stomach was the product of a love that was meant to be from the beginning of time.
Chloe's head has already went to a normal shape, and now we spend our days changing diapers, talking about the good ole' days and how much we have been blessed. Michelle and Chloe are all I ever could have dreamed of, I have tears in my eyes thinking of the joyuous journey that lies ahead for the three of us!
The next morning she went to the doctor. I met her in the parking lot and she told me we were going to have to let them indue labor and needed to be at the hospital at 8:00pm that night. My heart was pounding. So we spent what I thought was going to be our last day alone, and went to Ruby Tuesday's on a date as our "last meal".
We were ten minutes late getting to the hospital. I had no idea how insignificant that amount of time would become after the next several days.
Once we were in the room it was the normal routine. Lose the clothes, get into bed. The nurse came in the room and inserted the Cervadil, it was the closest I ever came to decking a woman. I have seen at least eight different sets of hands on ichelle's vagina in the last ten months and this lady was really rough and hurtful. I wantd to cry as michelle contracted through the night, there was nothing I could do to help her.
The next morning bright and early the Pitocin started. And so did the contractions. Michelle held onto the bed rail and whimpered. I had to be strong and not cry, but inside my heart was breaking. Ten minutes before they were supposed to stop the Pitocin for the day Michelle's contractions began to look like mountains on the monintor. I went to her side and held her hand, and stroked her beautiful hair. when the Pitocin stopped so did the contactions, but when Michelle went to the bathroom there was blood. Progress,and now I knew what had to be done. I had been so stupid, we had to work together like we always had to make this work.
So the next morning at 6 sharp the pitocin started again. Michelle went to pee and guess what. Her mucus plug came out. My heart started to race. Chloe was getting closer. Peg, the most excellent mid-wife in the entire world came in and checked Michelle. She said "why don't we break your water, do an epidural and get things moving along'. Even though I knew it wasn't going to be fun for Michelle, The thought of holding Chloe just kept racing inside my head. So Peg used an instrument to break her water and then the anesthesiologhist came in. Michelle was rolled towards me and I know the look on my face had to bely the feelings of angst and compassion. After ten minutes Michelle was a whole new woman. And now more forward progress was to come, because without Michelle tensing up the contractions were making much more progress. Peg came in to check and told us she was 90% effaced and dilated to 9mm. She had Michelle sit up for 20 minutes to see of Chloe would rotate because her head was facing up not down. Those twenty minutes stretched on forever. Twenty five minutes later peg and another hurse entered the room. One lady was on her right side and I was on her left. Every time she pushed I held her leg by her foot and put my hand behind the nape of her neck and told her what a great job she was doing. An hour and fifteen minutes into it Chloe was as far as she could go on her on and Michelle had to be cut. I looked after it was done, and watched fifteen minutes later when chloe popped out of her like a jack in the box. After all the heart-ache that we had endured over the last couple of days, all was erased when I saw Chloe for the first time. Her head was bent from the pushing, but she was the most beautiful little girl in the whole world. I rememeber kissing Michelle and telling her, I even slipped her a little tongue. There was my beautiful companion, and lying on her stomach was the product of a love that was meant to be from the beginning of time.
Chloe's head has already went to a normal shape, and now we spend our days changing diapers, talking about the good ole' days and how much we have been blessed. Michelle and Chloe are all I ever could have dreamed of, I have tears in my eyes thinking of the joyuous journey that lies ahead for the three of us!
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