Dreams and Emotions

I've been dreaming a lot. Last night, I had a dream that I owned a pet grasshopper. He was bright green, very healthy and plump. Some man came and pulled off his back legs, so he couldn't hop anymore. He assured me that they'd grow back. I watched patiently for days as his little stubs grew in.

I have been dreaming that I will have a baby boy. In one of my dreams, I was having a c-section and the baby was encased in a blue whoopie cushion bag! On October 11th, we'll find out if we are having a baby boy or girl. Thursday, we had another prenatal visit. This one was quick. Pee in a cup and then the weigh in. The first thing Jerry asked when he saw the doctor was, "Can we hear the baby's heartbeat?" He's more of a worrywart than I. I guess he's worried because I'm not showing very much. I have gained about five pounds. People are just now saying, "You look like you have gained a few pounds, you look healthier." They don't know it's because I'm pregnant though. The doctor assured Jerry there was a baby in there, showed him where the top of my uterus was and told him I'd been sporting a baby bump very soon. The baby is growing quickly now. They found the heartbeat easier this time, strong and loud at 151 bpm. I saw Jerry smile and let out a sigh of relief while his eyes got teary. It's a relief when I see the check out paper that says "normal" prenatal visit. Normal is good!

People ask me why I don't want the baby's sex to be a surprise. I guess I'm practical. I would like to hit some yard sales this fall and find some good deals. One of my sisters has three boys and I could ask her to save me some things. I also think it will help Jerry and I bond when we talk about the baby. I'm tired of calling the baby "IT".

I have been more emotional lately. I was watching a TV program about the animals left behind during hurricane Katrina, bawling my eyes out. Starving dogs on rooftops, dead cats locked in houses for weeks. It would of upset me if I wasn't pregnant but I guess my empathy radar is off the charts now. I can hardly talk about Monty and Missy anymore without letting the flood gates open. I'll be sitting outside and hear a dog bark in the distance and get choked up, I'll drive past the park and remember all the walks we took, I remember all the times I'd drive up the driveway and they'd be waiting for me- almost smiling while their little nubs would wag. I wonder if they are anyways waiting for me to pull up now and my heart breaks. I don't know if I can ever own a dog again. (Okay, gonna stop writing about this because I got myself all worked up again.)

The other day, I was driving home from work and right when I turned the key, the most beautiful song began. It was bizarre because normally I always listen to CDs. That morning, the CD I had in kept skipping so I drove to work listening to the early morning news. The other odd part is that I caught the song from the very beginning. While I drove home, I cried. Not tears of sadness or longing but tears of hope, joy and love.