Dear Chloe,
Happy three month birthday! I love you more each day. You are my world and I'm about to rock it. I'm sorry, I have to go back to work on Sunday. On Saturday night, I will drop you off at Jerry's moms' house. I have to be at work by 6am. If I woke in the morning to drive you, I'd have to wake up around 3am. It takes about 45min. to get to Maw-Maw's house. I think it would be much more stressful on Mawmaw, you and I if I woke you and had to rush to work.
But do you know how hard this is for me? It will be the first time I have left you for more than three hours. I have slept with you every night since you were born. To take a line from James Blunt, "I know you well, I know your smell". My bed will be deprived of your smell Saturday night. And your moans and thrashing. Everyone assures me I'll get a better night's sleep. I know I'll probably be lying awake wondering what you are doing.
So, everyone says it's the best idea. For you to spend the night. I started to think about why it bothered me. It bothers me because it's a step in the growing process. You are growing every day. You are no longer my baby snail. You are becoming my little spider monkey now; holding onto my shirt and wrapping your legs around my torso when I scoop you up.
MawMaw is the very best person I can leave you with the first time overnight. She honestly loves you. It makes me feel good when I see her love on you. She does the things I do. She doesn't mind holding you until her arms fall asleep. You makes funny sounds at you and I have seen you laugh at her antics. When she tells you she wants to "eat you up", I know you are in good hands.
You are growing up and I'm losing control and that's why it bothers me so much. On Tuesday and Friday, when you go to the babysitter's(Mrs.Y) I don't know what to expect. I don't know if she'll understand when you need to be held, or changed or fed. I really wrestled with the daycare decision, I really don't to put you in a center type of setting. Mrs. Y only has one three year old. And Chloe, I'm sorry but I bet that three year old will be jealous of you at first. She wasn't too happy when Mrs. Y asked her, "Don't you want to have baby Chloe?"
I have no doubt you'll figure it out with your MawMaw, Dad and Mrs. Y. They will learn to read your cues too. I gotta figure out when I can sneak a chance to pump. It will be a real hard thing for me to swallow if I give up breastfeeding due to work.
I told people at work it would be my dream if I could stay home for at least 12 weeks. My dream came true. I'm looking forward to you meeting new people, going to church with the first time with MawMaw and looking at new pictures on the walls. The stained glass is especially beautiful in the churches, Chloe! I hope you absorb the love and smile lots. It will be harder on me than you, especially if my cups overruneth with milk.
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Dairy Brings Out the Devil
Dear Chloe,
So much has changed the last few weeks. I haven't written because I've been busy enjoying spending time with you. I woke up early this morning to finally write. You're still snoozing in the warm bed, like a little bug in a rug. I figured out you are allergic to dairy products. After researching colic, I started reading about allergies. One of the biggest culprits can be dairy. I was willing to try anything to stop your crying, the constant gas, the writhing in pain. I removed all dairy from my diet. Within three days, you were a different baby. You went from this:
To this:
Everyone is so much happier. I would never eat a hot fudge sundae again if I thought it would cause you distress. I start foaming at the mouth when I think about ice-cream though.
You are developing a personality. You smile, giggle and coo now. You are engaging and will follow and focus on things with your eyes. I was up pumping milk for the freezer the other morning at 3am and I found a channel called "Baby First TV", they had a night time program. I recorded a couple shows. You love them! I sit you in front of the the TV in your Boppy while I fix breakfast, do some dishes and laundry.
You also like to spend time outside. You love to watch the leaves rustling in the trees. While I water my plants, I'll put you in your plastic bucket and you'll entertain yourself by talking to the trees.
We went to see my dogs'old best friend Sabre and go for a walk the other day. You loved the hour walk as long as the stroller was moving. Sabre was surprised to see a stroller when I opened the trunk and Monty and Missy didn't jump out. She gave you a kiss anyway. I hope you learn to love animals as much as I do.
We went to the Farmer's Market to see old friends with Grammie Penny. You were still withdrawing from dairy so you were kind of cranky. We went behind an old shack to change your diaper and you fell asleep in Grammie's arms. Grammie said, "Take a picture of us while she's sleeping." I didn't want to, I didn't think the background was good enough. I didn't want people to think we live in that dump. I'm glad she encouraged me to take the picture because it turned out great! I actually framed in and gave it to her for Mother's Day.
You got your shots a few weeks ago. When the nurse told me I was going to have to hold your arms, I told her she's better find another helper because I wasn't going play a part in the torture. She called in another nurse but she wasn't thrilled about it. I took some pictures while you got the vaccines. The entire time they were sticking you, you looked at me for help. When I finally came to your rescue, you recovered quickly.
You are 14 pounds now, the size of a butterball turkey. You can roll over and can launch yourself forward when doing tummy time on the Boppy. You like to try and "stand" in our laps.
You have found your hands. You never have liked the paci but you like your thumb. We can get into a paci war at home, you refuse to suck on it and will spit it across the room. If I offer you a paci in public, you will happily suck on it. I can't figure this one out. I think you are a playa. You know I can't whip out a boob in a restuarant so you are okay with the paci. You're smarter than I give you credit for, aren't ya?
Just two months ago, you hated a bath. Now, it's your favorite activity. I'll play a CD and sing Gavin Degraw while you splash away. You'd float around in the tub for an hour if I let you. You don't smile while taking a bath though. You are too busy kicking your legs and flapping your arms. The expression on your face is usually concentration. I wish I knew what you were thinking about sometimes. Does the bath remind you of the time you spent in the womb?
Finally, we went to see Miss Morgan yesterday. Miss M lived the apartment complex where we conceived you. I wrote this about Miss M many months ago.
Miss Morgan is the oldest tenant living in the complex, she's 88. She's always trying to keep busy doing things outside. She loves to work. She worked for the railroad in Georgia for 35 years. Most mornings, you will find her outside raking pine straw. She has a plastic sheet that she loads up with the pine straw and drags into the woods. She only weighs about 95 pounds and I sometimes worry she'll fall while dragging her heavy loads. She's always admiring my flowers on the porch. She was especially fascinated with a planter I brought home that is stable on the railing because it has a cut out on it's base. Last week, I went to the plant farm and bought her a deck railing pot, a bag of soil and some flowers. You should have seen the joy in her eyes when I brought it to her. She was worrying herself to death about planting them. "How do I get them out of the little pots? Should I break up the roots when I pot them into the large deck pot? Should I do all the pink flowers on one side or the purple? How many times a day should I water them?" I assured her they would be fine, I picked out hardy plants that were meant for the shade on her deck. She said she was going to plant them after her nap. She put them right in front of her door and left the door open so she could keep a close eye on them.
A few hours later, I heard a knock at the door. It was Miss Morgan, "I can't open the bag of soil, I have the shakes too bad." (I think Miss Morgan has some sort of palsy. One day, she was trying to walk down the steps with a cup of water. She had spilled half before she made it down four steps because her hand was shaking so uncontrollably. I carried it down the rest of the way.) I was in the middle of cooking dinner so J offered to help. He went outside and helped Miss Morgan repot her flowers and placed them securely on the railing. Later that evening, Miss Morgan came outside with a spray bottle in hand. "I thought they could use a little refresher after their traumatic replanting experience." She gently spritzed every flower with a Cheshire cat like smile on her face. She checks on those flowers several times a day. I think they are the most loved flowers in a five mile radius.
Miss Morgan moved out of the apartment complex a few months before we did, she decided to go to a nursing home. It made me feel sad, she felt she could no longer care for herself alone. She was losing her independence. She took her flower pot to the nursing home with her though, she could still care for that. Your Dad and I visited Miss Morgan a few times at the home. I went to a florist that I waited on at the restuarant to buy her birthday flowers. When he asked me who they were for, I told him about Miss M. The florist made a huge arrangment of gladiolas. It was so big, the flowers touched the roof of the car when I drove them to the nursing home. The florist wouldn't accept any money for the flowers because he thought I was doing a good deed. I bought him breakfast the next time he came to the restaurant and always made sure his coffee was full.
Miss Morgan was thrilled with her birthday flowers. There was a pitiful vase of backyard dandilions on her nightstand that her daughter brought her the day before. Her daughter and grand daughter only lived 40 miles away but only came to see her three times a year. It angered me.
We took you to see Miss Morgan for your first trip in public but she wasn't there. We went on the day she was taken to Walmart and the bank. Miss Morgan was on my mind a lot this week. Yesterday, your Dad had the day off so we all went to visit. We knocked on her door and she squealed with delight when she saw us. You started crying when we walked into her little room. Amazingly, you took your paci(which you normally loathe) and happily sucked the entire visit.
Her little room was all boxed up. She told us she was going to a nursing home in Georgia, she was raised there and her only living sister is still there. Her daughter doesn't come to see her often still. I wanted to cry, she talked like she was going home to die. She handed me an envelope. It said, "Michelle and Jerry's Baby". It probably took her a long time to write that, her hands shake so bad she was worried we couldn't read it.
She's leaving in a few days and we promised to call because she can't write. I hope you will learn this, Chloe. Listen to your heart. If it is telling you something, listen. If I hadn't listened, I wouldn't have seen Miss Morgan before she passed away. She would have gone to Georgia without my knowledge. My heart kept telling me to go see her THIS WEEK.
Be thoughtful and kind, Chloe. Small gestures can make someone's day and touch their heart for a lifetime. If you are good to others, you will be rewarded. Remember how the florist gave me free flowers for Miss Morgan? He knew I didn't have much money but he was touched by the thought. I have no doubt Miss Morgan will look down at us from heaven watching you grow and smile.
So much has changed the last few weeks. I haven't written because I've been busy enjoying spending time with you. I woke up early this morning to finally write. You're still snoozing in the warm bed, like a little bug in a rug. I figured out you are allergic to dairy products. After researching colic, I started reading about allergies. One of the biggest culprits can be dairy. I was willing to try anything to stop your crying, the constant gas, the writhing in pain. I removed all dairy from my diet. Within three days, you were a different baby. You went from this:
To this:
Everyone is so much happier. I would never eat a hot fudge sundae again if I thought it would cause you distress. I start foaming at the mouth when I think about ice-cream though.
You are developing a personality. You smile, giggle and coo now. You are engaging and will follow and focus on things with your eyes. I was up pumping milk for the freezer the other morning at 3am and I found a channel called "Baby First TV", they had a night time program. I recorded a couple shows. You love them! I sit you in front of the the TV in your Boppy while I fix breakfast, do some dishes and laundry.
You also like to spend time outside. You love to watch the leaves rustling in the trees. While I water my plants, I'll put you in your plastic bucket and you'll entertain yourself by talking to the trees.
We went to see my dogs'old best friend Sabre and go for a walk the other day. You loved the hour walk as long as the stroller was moving. Sabre was surprised to see a stroller when I opened the trunk and Monty and Missy didn't jump out. She gave you a kiss anyway. I hope you learn to love animals as much as I do.
We went to the Farmer's Market to see old friends with Grammie Penny. You were still withdrawing from dairy so you were kind of cranky. We went behind an old shack to change your diaper and you fell asleep in Grammie's arms. Grammie said, "Take a picture of us while she's sleeping." I didn't want to, I didn't think the background was good enough. I didn't want people to think we live in that dump. I'm glad she encouraged me to take the picture because it turned out great! I actually framed in and gave it to her for Mother's Day.
You got your shots a few weeks ago. When the nurse told me I was going to have to hold your arms, I told her she's better find another helper because I wasn't going play a part in the torture. She called in another nurse but she wasn't thrilled about it. I took some pictures while you got the vaccines. The entire time they were sticking you, you looked at me for help. When I finally came to your rescue, you recovered quickly.
You are 14 pounds now, the size of a butterball turkey. You can roll over and can launch yourself forward when doing tummy time on the Boppy. You like to try and "stand" in our laps.
You have found your hands. You never have liked the paci but you like your thumb. We can get into a paci war at home, you refuse to suck on it and will spit it across the room. If I offer you a paci in public, you will happily suck on it. I can't figure this one out. I think you are a playa. You know I can't whip out a boob in a restuarant so you are okay with the paci. You're smarter than I give you credit for, aren't ya?
Just two months ago, you hated a bath. Now, it's your favorite activity. I'll play a CD and sing Gavin Degraw while you splash away. You'd float around in the tub for an hour if I let you. You don't smile while taking a bath though. You are too busy kicking your legs and flapping your arms. The expression on your face is usually concentration. I wish I knew what you were thinking about sometimes. Does the bath remind you of the time you spent in the womb?
Finally, we went to see Miss Morgan yesterday. Miss M lived the apartment complex where we conceived you. I wrote this about Miss M many months ago.
Miss Morgan is the oldest tenant living in the complex, she's 88. She's always trying to keep busy doing things outside. She loves to work. She worked for the railroad in Georgia for 35 years. Most mornings, you will find her outside raking pine straw. She has a plastic sheet that she loads up with the pine straw and drags into the woods. She only weighs about 95 pounds and I sometimes worry she'll fall while dragging her heavy loads. She's always admiring my flowers on the porch. She was especially fascinated with a planter I brought home that is stable on the railing because it has a cut out on it's base. Last week, I went to the plant farm and bought her a deck railing pot, a bag of soil and some flowers. You should have seen the joy in her eyes when I brought it to her. She was worrying herself to death about planting them. "How do I get them out of the little pots? Should I break up the roots when I pot them into the large deck pot? Should I do all the pink flowers on one side or the purple? How many times a day should I water them?" I assured her they would be fine, I picked out hardy plants that were meant for the shade on her deck. She said she was going to plant them after her nap. She put them right in front of her door and left the door open so she could keep a close eye on them.
A few hours later, I heard a knock at the door. It was Miss Morgan, "I can't open the bag of soil, I have the shakes too bad." (I think Miss Morgan has some sort of palsy. One day, she was trying to walk down the steps with a cup of water. She had spilled half before she made it down four steps because her hand was shaking so uncontrollably. I carried it down the rest of the way.) I was in the middle of cooking dinner so J offered to help. He went outside and helped Miss Morgan repot her flowers and placed them securely on the railing. Later that evening, Miss Morgan came outside with a spray bottle in hand. "I thought they could use a little refresher after their traumatic replanting experience." She gently spritzed every flower with a Cheshire cat like smile on her face. She checks on those flowers several times a day. I think they are the most loved flowers in a five mile radius.
Miss Morgan moved out of the apartment complex a few months before we did, she decided to go to a nursing home. It made me feel sad, she felt she could no longer care for herself alone. She was losing her independence. She took her flower pot to the nursing home with her though, she could still care for that. Your Dad and I visited Miss Morgan a few times at the home. I went to a florist that I waited on at the restuarant to buy her birthday flowers. When he asked me who they were for, I told him about Miss M. The florist made a huge arrangment of gladiolas. It was so big, the flowers touched the roof of the car when I drove them to the nursing home. The florist wouldn't accept any money for the flowers because he thought I was doing a good deed. I bought him breakfast the next time he came to the restaurant and always made sure his coffee was full.
Miss Morgan was thrilled with her birthday flowers. There was a pitiful vase of backyard dandilions on her nightstand that her daughter brought her the day before. Her daughter and grand daughter only lived 40 miles away but only came to see her three times a year. It angered me.
We took you to see Miss Morgan for your first trip in public but she wasn't there. We went on the day she was taken to Walmart and the bank. Miss Morgan was on my mind a lot this week. Yesterday, your Dad had the day off so we all went to visit. We knocked on her door and she squealed with delight when she saw us. You started crying when we walked into her little room. Amazingly, you took your paci(which you normally loathe) and happily sucked the entire visit.
Her little room was all boxed up. She told us she was going to a nursing home in Georgia, she was raised there and her only living sister is still there. Her daughter doesn't come to see her often still. I wanted to cry, she talked like she was going home to die. She handed me an envelope. It said, "Michelle and Jerry's Baby". It probably took her a long time to write that, her hands shake so bad she was worried we couldn't read it.
She's leaving in a few days and we promised to call because she can't write. I hope you will learn this, Chloe. Listen to your heart. If it is telling you something, listen. If I hadn't listened, I wouldn't have seen Miss Morgan before she passed away. She would have gone to Georgia without my knowledge. My heart kept telling me to go see her THIS WEEK.
Be thoughtful and kind, Chloe. Small gestures can make someone's day and touch their heart for a lifetime. If you are good to others, you will be rewarded. Remember how the florist gave me free flowers for Miss Morgan? He knew I didn't have much money but he was touched by the thought. I have no doubt Miss Morgan will look down at us from heaven watching you grow and smile.
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