A Trying Two Months

Girl.... I must love you like a rock n' roll star because you've put me through the ringer the last few weeks.

Who Me?

Yes, YOU!

I think you have colic. There is no test for colic but you have all the signs. It started to peak around six weeks. You have more gas than the Good Year blimp. You'll clench your fists like Muhammad Ali, and arch your back like Greg Louganis flipping off the high dive. At first, I thought you were just spoiled and throwing a fit when I wasn't holding you. Now, I realize you are in pain when you are trying to expel the gas.

Some days, I feel like you are a leech sucking the life out of me. I have to hold you tweleve hours a day. I feel like I've had a great day when I can get a load of laundry done and dinner made. I've learned to deal with you clinging on me like a spider monkey with the help of the sling. I'll vacuum and put dishes away with you strapped to me. You are a better shopping partner when you are in the sling than the carseat. You actually look at the cans of green beans riding in the sling instead of screaming like I threw the beans at you in the car seat.

We had a really bad day last week. You were awake from 8am to 9pm. You fought sleep as if you were to nap, you'd turn into Sleeping Beauty and never wake until your prince kissed you. I was frazzled and thought a field trip to the strawberry patch would help. When I put you in the car, you were screaming. You calmed down only when the car was moving. Every stoplight made you panic. We stood in line in front of a wooden table loaded with cardboard boxes of strawberries and you let out a wail.

"Oh no, her leg! I think you scraped her leg on the table!", the strawberry lady said.

"That's just a strawberry.", I told her.

"No, the baby's leg is bleeding! I think you hit her leg on the wood and that's why she's crying."

People think you are injured because you cry so hard. It was just your strawberry birthmark the lady was concerned about. On the way home, you cried all the way. I passed a fire station. I thought to myself, a safe drop zone- no questions asked! Maybe the fire fighters would babysit for a few hours so I could regain my sanity. They probably could handle your noise since they are used to the sirens on the trucks. You would fit in just great, a little WAHHHbulance!

When we go to someone's house for dinner, you fuss the entire time. Your worst hours are 5-7pm. I think it's because you are overly tired.

You'd like to chain me to the rocking chair and nurse all evening if you could find a lock and key. It makes me feel sad when I take you out and you're so unhappy. You are so pretty Chloe Jade. People fawn over you and want to make you laugh and smile. They want to cuddle and hold you but I am the only one you want right now. I want to share your cuteness with the world.

I've been trying to find ways to comfort you. We have tried gas drops, gripe water, tummy time, massage and then I got an idea of pushing your gas out using a stability ball. It works! The ball has some use even though I don't have the time for crunches right now.



It's not all bad though Chloe. There are moments of the day that make all the bad hours worth it. You love to take baths on your yellow foam mat. You relax and calm down like you're on a float in the French Riviera. You enjoy music and I can get you to giggle by doing the Hokey Pokey with you. You are strong, you have started flipping from stomach to back.


You have taught me about myself. I never thought I had patience. You proved me wrong. I have never known true, unconditional love until I met you. I have given up on people in my past. My love for you will never waver no matter how much you challenge me. I'll sit and rock you for hours on end if that is what you need. I'll try my best finding ways to make you happy and comfortable. We'll stop taking dinner invitations because you are more happy at home in the evenings. I will make any sacrifice for you. The moment I set eyes on you, I knew I wanted to make the best life possible for us. It's not all about me anymore, it's you and me kid. I have no doubt that this colic phase will pass. There will be better days ahead filled with your adorable impish grin that melts my heart.


A mother's love for her child is like
nothing else in the world. It knows no
law, no pity, it dares all things and crushes
down remorselessly all that stands in its path.

~ Agatha Christie

Sinner and Saint

Yesterday, she was satan. Today, she's been an angel. Eating every 3-4 hours, not all day. I put her in the sling because I needed to clean house; vacuum, sweep/mop the kitchen and bathrooms. I decided to vacuum first and she started crying. After I got done with one room, her head started lulling back and forth each swipe I made with the vacuum.

I looked down and she was sound asleep. I felt like her neck would snap off when she reminded me of a weeble-wobble and it was just bobbing. I tried my best to not wake her by taking her out of the Snugli. I had to pry her out of it like a piece of gum stuck to your shoe. I thought for sure she'd wake up since I was pulling her like Gumby. Yesterday, if you placed her on the bed as if she were a fine piece of china, she would cry like her best friend just died. During her nap, I got the house clean and made brownies. The mixer running didn't even bother her. I think my child is bipolar.

The only bad part of today- I was on the way to pick up my used jogging stroller, it was getting a tune up. She farted hard, poop shot up her back and soiled her outfit. Luckily, next door there was a consignment shop and I bought her a new dress.

So, I learned two things today. Always have a spare outfit in the diaper bag in case of blowouts. Vacuum + sling= Sleep. It also is kills two birds with one stone. Can't hear the crying over a vacuum away. Maybe she gave up, she was "out-noised".

So You Had A Bad Day...

Today has been very difficult. Chloe has been crying non-stop since 6:30am unless I am holding her, I have probably cried for about an hour myself. Jerry needed cookies for work and I wanted to make a fresh strawberry dessert. I had to let her cry while I tried to bake them since I couldn't hold her, I had no free hands. She doesn't stop, even after ten minutes.

Once I go over and pick her up, she immediately stops crying and would sometimes even smile. I would rock her and when she fell asleep, I'd put her down. Once she realized I wasn't holding her, she'd start screaming again. I was at my wit's end. It took over three hours to get the desserts made due to holding and rocking breaks.

I remember when I was sent home with her from the hospital, the nurse said, "Babies sleep 18 hours a day."

Hell ya! I thought, that gives me eight hours of sleep and ten hours of cleaning and free time.

I remember hearing motherhood is the hardest job. I wondered why it was so hard to take care of a baby that sleeps 18 hours. You just feed, change and burp them, right?

I'm nursing now and she's quiet. It's going on her 13th hour awake. She'd take catnaps during the day. Eight minutes was the longest, I timed it when I was baking cookies. It took eight minutes before she figured out I wasn't holding her anymore.

I thought about going back to work today, then I felt guilty. It's been that bad of a day. Work would seem like a piece of cake now. I don't think you can really grasp what's it's like to be a stay at home Mom until you have been there. I'm sometimes jealous of Jerry when he leaves for work. You have to have patience like a saint, stamina of Michael Jordon and be humble and selfless like Mother Theresa. I'm not getting paid, there are no thank you's. When I left work, I left all worries and stress, this is 24/7. It's tough but when she smiles at me, it's all worth it.

You know what the highlight of today was? Getting a shower and doing my workout video between her wailing. A thirty minute shoulder workout took over one hour due to pausing it to calm her.

So, bravo to all Mom's. I know I love my mom more after today, I probably put her through hell too.

Chloe's First Ba-Ba

The other day, I expressed breastmilk using the pump. It was a learning experience. I sterilized everything with boiling water. I spent 20 minutes pumping, ending with milk running down my stomach. I almost got 3oz, between the cleaning and pumping I spent over an hour. It's way easier to whip out a boob.

When Chloe was hungry, I warmed the liquid gold up in a pan. When I got the refrigerated breast milk out, it had a top layer of fat. It reminded me of the goat's milk. Feeding the baby goats, the six Dasani plastic water bottles heating up on the stove. Skimming goat's milk when I made ice-cream. I felt like a glorified nanny goat.

We have been worried that Chloe would reject the bottle because she loathes pacifiers. The pacifier war has escalated, if she is crying and you try to give her one, she gets louder. I got the message loud and clear a few weeks ago. I don't even attempt to give her a pacifier as a constellation prize. Daddy, on the other hand, likes to keep trying. I think it's a battle of the wills, and Chloe, I have no doubt you'll win. You got 2x the amount of stubbornness from both your father and I. You are stubborn to the highest power. When you start to cry you will not give up until your needs are met.

I tried to run errands today. It has to be a plan everytime I go out now. Feed you right before I leave, change your diaper, have my stops planned out so I'm usually home with 2-3 hours. On my way to the post office, you start wailing in the car. You do not stop. I think you are hungry because you didn't eat a lot before I left. So, I climb into the backseat with you and feed you for 15 minutes. I put you in the carseat and wobble into the post office. We get in the line and you let out a sudden wail that sound like a possessed, rabid lamb. The lady in front of us, jumped like you were about to take a bite of her ankles. Then, at the grocery store, in the frozen food section you scream like I beat you with a frozen turkey. This is where the first Ba-Ba experience enters the picture. It takes way longer to run simple errands with you. If I have to feed you, add 20 minutes. If I have to take you in and out of the carseat to hold and settle you down add 3-5.

Once your Dad tested the temperature of the bottle, you two headed to the loveseat. You were already mad because I was holding you and you were doing you "angry chicken peck"- you were hungry. So, when I handed you to your Dad with bottle in hand, you just cried harder.
"I am hungry!! He has no boobage! WWAAAAAAHHH- En Garde! Let the paci war begin!" When he put the nipple in your mouth, you fought this new plastic oral fixation device. Once you tasted the milk, it was on like Donkey Kong!



The look you gave your Dad as he fed you was priceless. "What is this? Daddy has a plastic milk factory??" He had the proud papa face on too. He even switched sides like I do when I'm breastfeeding. You sucked so hard you made the nipple flat and had to open your mouth so it would refill with air. You caught on quick and in less than five minutes the bottle was empty. It seemed like you wanted to "help hold the bottle". I have always loved your Dad's hands and to see you two working together was heartwarming.


After that fast, super sized meal, you were zonked. You slept for almost four hours. I pumped again this morning and I have four ounces waiting in the fridge for your late night meal with Dad.

Her First Nickname

My sister Val came to visit this weekend with her kids, Cameron(4) and Megan (7).


She told me a funny story. One evening at the dinner table, her husband said he was getting his haircut on Friday.

Megan said, "Daddy, please don't get a hair cut."

"Why shouldn't I get a haircut Megan?" Carey asked, "The back is getting long and curling up."

"Yeah, but the top of your hair is falling out and and I don't want your to go BALD!" Megan replied.

Poor Carey, he just had his 40th birthday and his hair is receeding. His daughter telling him he's going bald couldn't have been a big ego boost. My sister said she was cracking up too.

Cameron, the four year old chimes in, "Mommy what's bald? Why is Daddy going bald? Is he sick?"

"No, Cameron, Daddy's fine. Bald is when your hair thins or starts to fall out, there is just skin on your head." Val explained.

"OOOOhhhhh, bald is like Glowbee!" Cameron said.

"What is Glowbee?" asked Val.

"You know, Glowbee! You are always talking about her now."

"Who is Glowbee?" Val asked again.

Cameron sighed, "You know Glowbee, I saw her pictures on the internet."

"Pictures on the internet? What are you talking about Cameron?" Val questioned.

"Glowbee! Aunt Chelle's baby is named Globee! Don't you remember Mom?"

:)

I love my little, bald Glowbee!