You are my joy and such a burst of brightness, Chloe.
Friday, July 18, 2008
Can You See Me Now?
MawMaw came over with your cousins the other day. MawMaw bought cousin Emma a pretend doctors' kit and put the glasses on you. No matter what type of day I'm having, I know I will always look at this picture and laugh. You remind me of a chimpanzee wearing glasses!
You are my joy and such a burst of brightness, Chloe.
You are my joy and such a burst of brightness, Chloe.
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
When Mommy Goes to Work
Dear Chloe,
When your Mom went back to work I was terrified. It is a lot of responsibility to care for a child, especially a small baby who can hold her in a battle of wills with any adult. For weeks, every Tuesday and Friday brought so much stress. As soon as your Mother left for work the trial by fire would begin. You refused your bottle, and would scream for hours on end unless I simply put you in the bedroom and let you smell your sweet Mother's scent from her favorite blankie. In the last month a lot has changed. I really think the two of us have turned a corner and are headed in the right direction now. My Mom came by yesterday for a visit and seen first hand the 180 you have pulled on us. Your three cousins and Maw-maw sent you into a frenzy like the days of old, but you would immediately get quiet and calm in Daddy's loving arms. You were so good that you even fell asleep with me rocking you, and you haven't wanted to sleep in my arms since about a week after we brought you home from the hospital. I could never take the place of your Mother, but it does my soul good to feel the love and acceptance you have begun to show me as well. I was so worried that I wouldn't be a good Daddy. My Father was never there, and one of my primary goals has been to take the lessons I learned from life and not continue the same cycle again and again.
And though we have made excellent progress, I see so much of myself in you. A lot of times when I hold you now I watch as you study the world around you. I think you feel safe in my arms, and it is a break for Mommy when we can sit and spend time together while she actually completes a task without having to stop and constantly hold you. And even though you are hard headed and can be stubborn, you also look for new faces when you are out and about and remind me a lot of my Mom's father in the way you will share your huge toothless grin with total strangers. You also have my short attention span, and will immediately let us know if the current situation is not to your liking. Maw-maw says your are spoiled, but so what. You are a miracle, and deserve to be spoiled. I don't know if we'll ever try to conceive again, for the moment I think your Mother and I are content with being able to give you and only you our all.
Since you have been so much better for me now when we are alone, I can discern now between your different cries and whines. Where as before my main goal when your Mom went to work was to make sure I didn't take you the safe drop zone at the Benhaven Volunteer Fire Department, now I spend our days together pushing the limits of what we can accomplish together. From the moment we concieved and your Mom and I were faced with this new reality for our lives, I have known that you are a blessing from above. Of the billions of people on this planet Earth, there are not one but TWO that I would gladly lay down my life for if it meant they were safe and happy.
When you get older and get to read the thoughts your Mother and I have to share I hope you know just how much you mean to us. There is no greater joy than being a parent. You are so beautiful and precious, and we are honored to be there as you develop. Every new achievement is a wonder, and every week you grow so much.
Daddy loves you Chloe Jade Rivera :)
When your Mom went back to work I was terrified. It is a lot of responsibility to care for a child, especially a small baby who can hold her in a battle of wills with any adult. For weeks, every Tuesday and Friday brought so much stress. As soon as your Mother left for work the trial by fire would begin. You refused your bottle, and would scream for hours on end unless I simply put you in the bedroom and let you smell your sweet Mother's scent from her favorite blankie. In the last month a lot has changed. I really think the two of us have turned a corner and are headed in the right direction now. My Mom came by yesterday for a visit and seen first hand the 180 you have pulled on us. Your three cousins and Maw-maw sent you into a frenzy like the days of old, but you would immediately get quiet and calm in Daddy's loving arms. You were so good that you even fell asleep with me rocking you, and you haven't wanted to sleep in my arms since about a week after we brought you home from the hospital. I could never take the place of your Mother, but it does my soul good to feel the love and acceptance you have begun to show me as well. I was so worried that I wouldn't be a good Daddy. My Father was never there, and one of my primary goals has been to take the lessons I learned from life and not continue the same cycle again and again.
And though we have made excellent progress, I see so much of myself in you. A lot of times when I hold you now I watch as you study the world around you. I think you feel safe in my arms, and it is a break for Mommy when we can sit and spend time together while she actually completes a task without having to stop and constantly hold you. And even though you are hard headed and can be stubborn, you also look for new faces when you are out and about and remind me a lot of my Mom's father in the way you will share your huge toothless grin with total strangers. You also have my short attention span, and will immediately let us know if the current situation is not to your liking. Maw-maw says your are spoiled, but so what. You are a miracle, and deserve to be spoiled. I don't know if we'll ever try to conceive again, for the moment I think your Mother and I are content with being able to give you and only you our all.
Since you have been so much better for me now when we are alone, I can discern now between your different cries and whines. Where as before my main goal when your Mom went to work was to make sure I didn't take you the safe drop zone at the Benhaven Volunteer Fire Department, now I spend our days together pushing the limits of what we can accomplish together. From the moment we concieved and your Mom and I were faced with this new reality for our lives, I have known that you are a blessing from above. Of the billions of people on this planet Earth, there are not one but TWO that I would gladly lay down my life for if it meant they were safe and happy.
When you get older and get to read the thoughts your Mother and I have to share I hope you know just how much you mean to us. There is no greater joy than being a parent. You are so beautiful and precious, and we are honored to be there as you develop. Every new achievement is a wonder, and every week you grow so much.
Daddy loves you Chloe Jade Rivera :)
Thursday, July 3, 2008
Dear Chloe: So Much To Say
You are changing every day. The first few weeks after you were born, you were growing daily but didn't have much of a personality. You would eat, sleep and need a diaper change every few hours. I will be honest, I didn't really enjoy the newborn phase. Now, you coo, giggle, smile, squirm, eat, drink, inspect, explore, flail and interact with others. You are more independent, becoming your own person. I no longer feel like you are attached to my boob 24/7. It's all happening so fast and sometimes I feel sad you'd not my helpless little snail anymore.
I put you in your crib the other night after your bath. You enjoy watching your mobile now and reach for the plush butterflies swirling overhead. I thought you'd just take a short snooze and wake up in a hour wanting to come to bed with us. Two hours went by and you didn't stir so I went to bed. I awoke at 1am and hadn't heard you cry so in a panic, I rushed into your room thinking you stopped breathing. You hadn't died from SIDS, you were sleeping peacefully on your side with your thumb in your mouth. I crawled back into bed and felt a little lonely, like you didn't need me as much anymore. At 5:30am, you called out to be fed. You slept from 8pm-5:30am and I was shocked. I was also well rested, I actually dreamed that night which hasn't happened since you were born. The next night, I put you in your crib and you didn't protest. Once again, you slept through the night. I woke up at 6am and checked on you. You were awake, just looking around the room. Once you saw my face, you lit up like a GE light bulb.
You seem more happy in the crib, you seem to sleep better. Although I miss your sweet smelling body next to mine at night, I know it's time for this transition. I know all too soon you will be rolling and I'd feel horrible if you fell out of the bed. I also sleep better without you. I'm not unconciously worrying all night about how close you are to the edge. It's better for my relationship with Daddy too because instead for snuggling with you all night, once again he's my snuggle bunny. I think it benefits the entire family.
Interestingly, since this crib transition has occured, you have decided to drink bottles from Dad while I'm at work. Last Tuesday, I got no phone calls or text messages from Dad. I thought you must have had a real bad day and he was so busy consoling you he didn't have time to let me know how the day was going. When I got home, he was sitting on the porch swing rocking you and told me you had the best day ever. You drank two full bottles with no protesting, you to played with toys and watered the plants together. Lately, everytime you see him, you do your wide mouth tree frog grin. Another new chapter has opened.
You have started to eat from a spoon. We started with rice cereal and breastmilk and you gobbled it up. I started to feed you in the evenings because it seems my supply is low at the end of the day especially if I have been working. Most days at work, my break is spent pumping so I don't get a chance to eat. During my shift, I don't get to drink as much water either. Some nights, you were still hungry and my boobs felt empty. You look forward to your eveing meal now. You get cranky if your real supper time is late. When you see me coming with your pink spoon and cup you start screeching like a monkey "Oooooooooh!Oooooooh!OOOOoooooh!". You grab hold of the bowl and try to tip in into your mouth. I have started to introduce small amounts of fruits and veggies with your cereal slop. Instead of buying baby food, I made some from organic fruits and veggies. I steamed the fruits and baked the sweet potatoes then whipped them with the handy stick blender. You don't eat more than a tablespoon at a time, so it would be wasteful to buy jars. I dropped the pureed food onto self sealing plastic wrap and froze them into itty bitty portions. Once you eat your real food, you are out for the count. I think it's been a piece of the puzzle that has helped you start sleeping better during the night.
Sweet potatoes, apples and pears. You have also tried bananas and avocados. Bananas. Bananas gave me a scare. A day after you ate bananas, I was changing your diaper and noticed dark reddish/black thread like things in your poop. I freaked out, I thought you had worms. You drool constantly and always have your hands in your mouth. I remember people telling me to stop biting my nails or I'd get worms when I was little. I thought you got worms from stucking on your thumb. I frantically made phone calls and searched the web. Turns out the dark threads in your poop were from bananas. Just like a fresh baked loaf of banana bread.
I have read about the pros and cons about introducing solids. Some say that introducing solids early can cause overweight children or allergies. You don't seem to have any problems with food allergies. You just aren't satified in the evenings if I don't feed you your slop. You pull off my deflated breast and look at me and protest, "Empty Mama!". So, if you grow up to be a fat kid, you can blame me. I personally think you carry your weight well.
You love to spent time outside even if it's 100 degrees. It's a war zone out there though. You can connect the dots on my legs from 'skeeter bites. Two days ago, a paper wasp stung my arm and I had an allergic reaction. A few weeks ago, a female bluebird was building a nest in her wooden house. She laid five beautiful eggs the color of your eyes. I was excited to be able to observe her nestlings hatch. I was sitting outside one evening and something caught my eye. I saw a snake slithering into her box. She wasn't home to protect her eggs. The snake remained in the box for a day and sucked down all her eggs.
When his belly was full, he left. The next morning, I watched as the mama bluebird returned. She looked into her box for a minute and flew away. I felt sad for her but then thought of this quote by Richard Dawkins. "Nature is not cruel, pitilessly, indifferent. This is one of the hardest lessons for humans to learn. We cannot admit that things might be neither good nor evil, neither cruel nor kind, but simply callous -- indifferent to all suffering, lacking all purpose."
It can be hard to understand why things happen sometimes. I don't love snakes, they scare me a bit. Your Dad really doesn't like them and he wanted to kill it when he first saw it swallowing the eggs. I begged him to have mercy on the snake. The snake isn't evil, it was just hungry. So, I hope in your future, you will think of this quote before you take action. Sometimes, it's better to just sit back in the Bumbo and watch life unfold.
I put you in your crib the other night after your bath. You enjoy watching your mobile now and reach for the plush butterflies swirling overhead. I thought you'd just take a short snooze and wake up in a hour wanting to come to bed with us. Two hours went by and you didn't stir so I went to bed. I awoke at 1am and hadn't heard you cry so in a panic, I rushed into your room thinking you stopped breathing. You hadn't died from SIDS, you were sleeping peacefully on your side with your thumb in your mouth. I crawled back into bed and felt a little lonely, like you didn't need me as much anymore. At 5:30am, you called out to be fed. You slept from 8pm-5:30am and I was shocked. I was also well rested, I actually dreamed that night which hasn't happened since you were born. The next night, I put you in your crib and you didn't protest. Once again, you slept through the night. I woke up at 6am and checked on you. You were awake, just looking around the room. Once you saw my face, you lit up like a GE light bulb.
You seem more happy in the crib, you seem to sleep better. Although I miss your sweet smelling body next to mine at night, I know it's time for this transition. I know all too soon you will be rolling and I'd feel horrible if you fell out of the bed. I also sleep better without you. I'm not unconciously worrying all night about how close you are to the edge. It's better for my relationship with Daddy too because instead for snuggling with you all night, once again he's my snuggle bunny. I think it benefits the entire family.
Interestingly, since this crib transition has occured, you have decided to drink bottles from Dad while I'm at work. Last Tuesday, I got no phone calls or text messages from Dad. I thought you must have had a real bad day and he was so busy consoling you he didn't have time to let me know how the day was going. When I got home, he was sitting on the porch swing rocking you and told me you had the best day ever. You drank two full bottles with no protesting, you to played with toys and watered the plants together. Lately, everytime you see him, you do your wide mouth tree frog grin. Another new chapter has opened.
You have started to eat from a spoon. We started with rice cereal and breastmilk and you gobbled it up. I started to feed you in the evenings because it seems my supply is low at the end of the day especially if I have been working. Most days at work, my break is spent pumping so I don't get a chance to eat. During my shift, I don't get to drink as much water either. Some nights, you were still hungry and my boobs felt empty. You look forward to your eveing meal now. You get cranky if your real supper time is late. When you see me coming with your pink spoon and cup you start screeching like a monkey "Oooooooooh!Oooooooh!OOOOoooooh!". You grab hold of the bowl and try to tip in into your mouth. I have started to introduce small amounts of fruits and veggies with your cereal slop. Instead of buying baby food, I made some from organic fruits and veggies. I steamed the fruits and baked the sweet potatoes then whipped them with the handy stick blender. You don't eat more than a tablespoon at a time, so it would be wasteful to buy jars. I dropped the pureed food onto self sealing plastic wrap and froze them into itty bitty portions. Once you eat your real food, you are out for the count. I think it's been a piece of the puzzle that has helped you start sleeping better during the night.
Sweet potatoes, apples and pears. You have also tried bananas and avocados. Bananas. Bananas gave me a scare. A day after you ate bananas, I was changing your diaper and noticed dark reddish/black thread like things in your poop. I freaked out, I thought you had worms. You drool constantly and always have your hands in your mouth. I remember people telling me to stop biting my nails or I'd get worms when I was little. I thought you got worms from stucking on your thumb. I frantically made phone calls and searched the web. Turns out the dark threads in your poop were from bananas. Just like a fresh baked loaf of banana bread.
I have read about the pros and cons about introducing solids. Some say that introducing solids early can cause overweight children or allergies. You don't seem to have any problems with food allergies. You just aren't satified in the evenings if I don't feed you your slop. You pull off my deflated breast and look at me and protest, "Empty Mama!". So, if you grow up to be a fat kid, you can blame me. I personally think you carry your weight well.
You love to spent time outside even if it's 100 degrees. It's a war zone out there though. You can connect the dots on my legs from 'skeeter bites. Two days ago, a paper wasp stung my arm and I had an allergic reaction. A few weeks ago, a female bluebird was building a nest in her wooden house. She laid five beautiful eggs the color of your eyes. I was excited to be able to observe her nestlings hatch. I was sitting outside one evening and something caught my eye. I saw a snake slithering into her box. She wasn't home to protect her eggs. The snake remained in the box for a day and sucked down all her eggs.
When his belly was full, he left. The next morning, I watched as the mama bluebird returned. She looked into her box for a minute and flew away. I felt sad for her but then thought of this quote by Richard Dawkins. "Nature is not cruel, pitilessly, indifferent. This is one of the hardest lessons for humans to learn. We cannot admit that things might be neither good nor evil, neither cruel nor kind, but simply callous -- indifferent to all suffering, lacking all purpose."
It can be hard to understand why things happen sometimes. I don't love snakes, they scare me a bit. Your Dad really doesn't like them and he wanted to kill it when he first saw it swallowing the eggs. I begged him to have mercy on the snake. The snake isn't evil, it was just hungry. So, I hope in your future, you will think of this quote before you take action. Sometimes, it's better to just sit back in the Bumbo and watch life unfold.
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