You haven't adjusted so well to my return to work. You refuse to eat from a bottle while I'm gone. You refuse to eat, period. The first time I got a phone call about your self induced anorexia, I was in a panic. I thought you'd die of starvation during my eight hour shift. I almost came home early. You were still alive when I got home after a full day of work, just hungry. The days that I work screws up your schedule. You want to constantly nurse at night. You can roll to your side now so it works out fine. You just lay next to me in bed and turn over for snacks during the night. The reverse cycling a few times a week hasn't hurt you. You are still as rolly-polly as ever. I endearingly call you my fatty-pig-pig. "Hey baby pig, how ya doin'?", I ask as you are waking up. I hope I don't give you a complex.
You can light up a room with your smile, Chloe. People are always fawning over you now when we are in public. You eat the attention up when I have you in the sling or holding you when we are out and about. I look down when you are strapped in the Snugli and see you eyeing people in WalMart. You want them to make eye contact with you, to talk to you. Once they do, it's showtime Baby! Your face lights up like the sunshine and you give them a huge toofless grin. They tell you how pretty you are and smile back, it makes you happy. Now, you have decided to coo and talk to people. The strangers enjoy this even more and have a "ahhhhhh-gooo" conversation with you. It makes me happy and proud too. I sometimes can't believe my eyes. Just eight weeks ago, I wouldn't attempt to take you out to eat by myself. Now that we both are more comfortable in the big wide world together, it's fun.
I took this picture into work with me to show friends. One person said, your face reminded them of a cheery Gerber daisy. They thought your dress suited you.
I even took you to Grammy's pool. A first, it wasn't so fun. You seemed cranky but it was because you were tired. You feel asleep for a few hours in the shade. When you woke up, you were your happy old self again. It's getting easier to read your cues now. When you are hungry, tired or dirty. I understand what you need know and I'm glad. We hardly ever have a bad day together anymore.
This week, we went to see my dogs, Monty and Missy. It's a very hard thing for me to do. I miss them and don't want to cause them more distress. I had to make the decision to leave them and let them live out the rest of their days on the farm.
I have searched for the word to describe the reunions with my dogs and it's bittersweet. Bitter because I miss them. Times during this visit I felt Monty was avoiding my hugs and kisses. I understand if he was, maybe it's confusing and painful. Where have I been the last ten months for kisses? He would walk away from me and plop down in the tall grass and I let him have his space.
Sweet because Monty tried to climb around your carseat to hop in while I was trying to buckle you up. Bitter because I told him, "no, out" because he couldn't come. Sweet because his body wagged when I got out of the car and said, "Hello my Monter and Mystical Missy!" Bitter when I got into the car and they stood around it before they obeyed the command to go inside.
Remember when I wrote about following your heart? Well, sometimes in life, we must make difficult choices. As humans, we tend to think of ourselves when we make them. I hope you learn to be selfless, Chloe. I don't want you to become a doormat but I hope you think about how your actions will affect others, even animals. In my heart, I know the dogs are better on the farm. They can go in and out the doggie door as they please. They have the freedom they have rightly earned. If they lived with us, they wouldn't be able to run freely because we have no fence and are 200 ft from the road. So, I feel okay with the decision I made to leave them, because I put their needs first.
I live by the same standards for you. I put you first, I always will. I'm glad you got to see animals that I love.
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