I Don't Mind

I think I'll be one of the women that enjoy pregnancy. Maybe because I have wanted a baby for a long time and doubted that I could conceive. I suppose I feel blessed. I actually have a sense of peace and calm. I don't get upset as easily now. It's a big joke at work, people try to push my buttons to try to make me mad. They want a reaction. They can't stand it when I just smile and say, "I don't mind."

I don't mind that I'm sometimes nauseated. I've been through worse. When I was on chemo the nausea was 100 times stronger. I was fighting for my life. Now, when I feel sick, I'm relieved to know this is a normal part of pregnancy. Instead of fighting death, my body is working to create a life.

I don't mind that my boobs are sore. Every time I roll over at night and the soreness awakens me, I think about what a wonderful bonding experience I will have feeding you. I think about my goats and remember that the kids that thrived were the ones that were nursed by Mama. I will provide you will the best start too. I don't mind when I'm told that my breasts will resemble deflated water balloons when I'm done breast feeding you. They resembled sunny side up eggs before I conceived you. Balloons are more fun than eggs!

I don't mind when people tell me I'll ruin my figure by having you. I'm more than my body. Carrying you for nine months is a wonderful gift and adventure. I have never really enjoyed compliments about my physical body. When I was going though chemo, I felt like my body had betrayed me. I realized my body was just my shell and I refused to be vain and shallow again. I'm excited to see you growing and making my tummy pooch out. I can't wait until I have a big, round belly. I'll rub it and laugh just like Buddha. I'm still wearing my size 5 jeans. Maybe in a month, I'll never wear them again. It's okay though, I won't mind. My body may change permanently but so will my heart and soul because I will be your mother.

I don't mind that I can't afford brand new, coordinating baby gear. One of my girlfriends at work called me on her way home, one of her neighbors was throwing out a baby bassinet and bouncy seat.
"Michelle, would you mind if I brought over some used baby furniture tomorrow? I didn't know if you'd upset if I brought you something recycled, it's in great condition though."

"Of course I don't mind!"

The next day Terri brought over an adorable Noah's arc bassinet and Winnie the Pooh bouncy seat. She had spent her afternoon after work washing and bleaching the items. She even put new batteries in the bouncy seat. Terri lit up like the blinking lights when she turned it on. It vibrated and started playing the "Winnie the Pooh" theme song. Terri's gifts meant more to me than if she'd bought me something brand new. She thought of us on her way home after a long day waiting tables. It required effort to wash and bleach the plastic and fabric. She told me how she struggled trying to reassemble the bassinet and getting the ruffles just right(she had to call her neighbor for help).

And you know what baby, I bet you won't mind that you'll have a hodge podge of baby gear. I think you'll find it more interesting. Pooh Bear in your bouncy seat, zebras, sheep and Noah in your bassinet and the giraffes in your infant carseat that Jerry's boss gave to us. You'll have a menagerie. I will teach you that happiness doesn't come from material things. I will show you happiness by giving you all my love.