My Little Lime

Dear Baby,
I'm in my 12th week now and you are the size of a lime. The last time I fondled a lime was about four months ago when I was making fresh mango margaritas. The party's over now kid! I am feeling better, I don't feel like I'm Mr. Yuck with his round, green face. The last time I actually threw up was about two weeks ago, as I was walking across the parking lot, ready to drive to work. I was sipping on a fruit smoothie when a wave a nausea hit me so hard, I ran into the grass to rid myself of the toxic smoothie. Your Dad came running over and patted me on the back. I was afraid he was going to step in my regurgitated smoothie. I haven't made any smoothies since.

I still have specific food cravings though. This doesn't surprise me because I have always known what I want to eat, what my body needs that day. Now, it's just intensified. A few nights ago, I was on a salad binge. Ruby Tuesday's salad bar made my day. It was the best salad bar I'd seen in a long time. They even had edamame soy beans. The next night, I had and awesome avocado and shrimp salad. My rabbit phase came to an end and I developed an intense desire for protein.

An item popped into my brain I hadn't though about since 4th grade. I'm almost ashamed to admit what I ate a few nights ago because they are pretty gross. I don't even know why I wanted or thought of them. Steak-Ums. Yep, that extremely thin beef, that is cooked in less that two minutes- leaving you a skillet full of grease. I told your Dad about my craving probably about five times that day so he went to the grocery store to find my "beef lard". When he came home with an armload of grocery bags, he looked scared. "I don't like shopping for you when you're having such specific cravings because I couldn't find Steak-Ums and I feel bad." My heart hit the floor. No Steak-Ums? "But, I found these." He whips out a gourmet brand of Steak-UMs, 100% beef. My hero! We sat and ate gourmet Steak-Ums that night, grease dripping down our chins onto our t-shirts.

Your dad is real awesome about going to all the OB/GYN visits with me. Last week, I had to have the dreaded internal exam. All my blood work came back normal, I'm blood type A+ and I'm immune to german measles. Facts I didn't know about myself. I was then given a robe with boobie holes to change into. Your Dad started inspecting the items on the metal tray. "What's that? It looks painful! It's a like a stick with a round, metal brush on the end." That's all it took, I started crying.

I don't know why but these exams create lots of anxiety for me. It's embarrassing and humiliating, I'd rather run down the street naked than be poked, brushed and prodded in my privates. Your Dad felt real bad, he hugged me and said he didn't mean to upset me. It really wasn't his fault, he'd never been in a room or seen a woman getting a full internal exam. Quite honestly, I didn't know they even used a wired pipe cleaner because I close my eyes. Your Dad's eyes almost popped out of his head when the doctor came in a uncovered the speculum. He hadn't seen that earlier because they hid it. He came running over to the table, held my hands and almost laid across me as if he was shielding me from a bomb. I closed my eyes and blanked everything else out expect the doctor who kept repeating, "Relax your buttocks, relax your muscles and this will be much more pleasant." Yah, I'm sure if I just released my kegels, I'd be having as much fun as Goofy at Disneyland.

The the silver lining to that traumatic visit was that I will only have to go through that once more near the end of my pregnancy and we heard your heartbeat! The doctor used a doppler and rolled it over my stomach. She couldn't find your little heart for awhile. Your Dad looked real worried because all she could hear was my bowels digesting Subway. She finally found you hiding in the upper right side of my uterus. Your heart reminded me of a horse galloping. Your little heart was beating at 160bpm. I will not forget the look of joy in your Dad's eyes when he got to hear that you were alive. It was a touching moment.

I'm sick with a cold today, so I am home from work because I can't take medicine to help with my symptoms. It will be good old comforting chicken pot pie tonight, baby!