Fireworks and Fatigue

Dear Baby,
I sometimes can't believe I am carrying you inside me. For many years, I thought I couldn't get pregnant. I had lymphoma when I was a teenager and one of the side effects of chemotherapy was infertility. I started to feel differently about two weeks ago. My face broke out like I was a fifteen year old. I bought Clearsil and Noxema but it didn't help. My boobs were very sore. I was very tired. I just thought I was having a bad case of PMS. When my period didn't arrive, I took a pregnancy test. I saw a faint line but thought my eyes were playing tricks on me. Three tests later, there was no denying that I was indeed pregnant.

My face looks much better; in fact, my complexion is better now than ever in my life. Lumpy, our neighbor nextdoor told me I was glowing yesterday. I'm still very tired, I fall asleep at 8pm some nights. I have had some headaches and I'm not a headachey type of person. I can count on my left hand how many headaches I have had the last two years. I don't know if the headaches and fatigue are due to early pregnancy symptoms or because your Dad is the coffee Nazi. The day we confirmed our pregnancy, he decided, "No caffeine for you!" It's like I'm waxing his nipple hair when I drink a HALF of a cup of coffee before work in the morning. Some of those mornings start at 4:30am and I need something to wake me from my zombie state. I know he reacts this way because he loves you and I dearly. He's just concerned and it's sweet.

I've been craving strange things to eat. Not unhealthy stuff like pickles and ice cream. Stuff like grilled chicken salad with mandarin oranges and avocado. I had to have mandarin oranges on the baby spring salad mix. Last night, it was cabbage. We had a New England boiled dinner. Corned beef, potatoes, carrots and my beloved cabbage. I always thought that a boiled dinner was as boring as a cardboard toliet paper roll but last night, it was a five star meal. Orange juice is another favorite, I drink a cup every morning before work to calm the coffee Nazi. I try to tell him the orange juice cancels the HALF cup of coffee effects.

My boobs still hurt, so much that I can hardly sleep on my stomach. They itch too, especially at work when I cannot scratch them. I don't think it would be a good idea to serve someone a meal then frantically start scratching my boobs. I try to do it slyly with the inside of my arm. It's hard for me to believe that I'll have larger boobs because most of my life, I've been mostly nipples. I'll breast feed you, baby, I doubt we'll have any problems.(except if I accidently poke you in the eye) Since I farmed and helped birth goats, I know the importance of a mother's milk. The goat's that were rejected by Mom never thrived. If there were no other goat mom's that had colostrum, the kids fed replacement milk usually died. I want to give you the best, even if you make my nips raw.

I can tell you that you already are very loved. You will be a lucky child that has a wonderful Daddy. He has already read, "What To Expect When You are Expecting". He knows more than I do sometimes. Like, when he pokes me at night to tell me I should be sleeping on my left side. Or when I get home from work I need to lie down and relax for awhile. When I feel sick to my stomach, he informed me I needed to take a b6 supplement before bed. You know, I love it though. I bought five more pregnancy books last night on Ebay that he can read cover to cover. He wants to be informed because he loves you.