Our Little Butterbean....

In my pocket, at all times, I carry around the first sonogram of you. The nurse told us your were the size of a lentil, or butterbean, inside this little sac in your mom's uterus. When the nurse pointed you out on the monitor tears of pride welled up in my eyes. I held back the tears, but only to be strong for your mother. I wanted so bad to let the tears flow. I can't begin to share all the emotions that went through me that day, or that hit me at odd times ever since. They range from being happy, proud, feeling blessed, and an overwhelming curiousity about you. Will you be a girl, a boy? Will you look like your mother, will you favor me, or look like both of us.

My boss told me last night that this will change my life, my priorities, and that this is a defining moment in both your Mother and my life. You are a blessing from above, a gift of love to two people who could not love each other more. I don't think I could love anyone more than your mother, or share the kind of relationship I do with her. You are going to be a very lucky child, your Mother's and my life experiences are going to provide you with an amazing environment of love and care that not every child recieves.

Your Mom is going through a lot of changes right now, I work nights so I miss her terribly. I don't plan on working nights through her entire pregnancy, it's important to me that I be there for her, especially as time passes and she needs more help with things. I am so proud of her, she has done a lot of changing already. Nothing could have seperated her and her evening cocktails, and we had a few confrontations on the matter. But for you, she quit cold turkey. She is very diligent about taking her prenatal vitamins, making healthy shakes before going to work, and eating the healthiest of dinners. Even though she doesn't need to hear it, I constantly remind her that you have no choice what she takes in, but that everything she takes in is consumed by you as a well. I probably can be a bit overbearing, but I love your Mother and you too much to be silent.

Some day you will be able to read this, and I hope you know just how much you already mean to us. The changes that come from being a couple to being a family are strengthening the bond between your Mother and I. We went out to eat chinese buffet the other night. Your Mom asked me to save you the fortunes from the fortune cookies, because it was the first time we went and you were with us. The chinese astrology calendar said you would be born in the year of the Rat. Your Mom is a Dragon and I am a Snake. We are going to make a pretty interesting trio!

A couple of days ago our pregnancy books that your Mom ordered off of E-bay arrived. Inside was a letter of congratulations from the seller, and your first stuffed animal. Your Mom isn't too big on stuffed animals for herself, but it is the cutest purple dog. Whenever I am home I hold it and say"Lovies for the baby", hoping that in March I will get to hold you like that.