Gratitude

Let us be grateful to people who make us happy; they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom. ~Marcel Proust

Less than a year ago, I walked away from my home, my animals, my business and at that time husband. It was the only way of life I had known for over ten years. It was a comfortable life. I never was hungry, I never was cold and I never desperately needed or wanted anything I didn't have. I wasn't truly happy though and as I look back now, I can see how my unhappiness affected others around me.

So, I drove away in a car with a few bags of clothes. It was the most difficult experience I've been through. Even now, I think about my dogs and goats on a daily basis. I was scared out of my mind. I had been self employed, making my goat's milk soap and running the farm. When I filled out job applications, I was embarrassed with my title, "Goat Farmer". I had no real work experience but I found two waitressing jobs. I felt alone. I felt like I had nothing. I didn't have much self esteem. I was close to rock bottom.

I started my jobs waitressing. It was harder than I thought. The first Sunday I worked at my current job, it was so busy and stressful by the end of my shift, I walked into the cooler and cried. I worked at a steakhouse at night but it wasn't as fast paced and the tables didn't turn over so quickly. I was pulling almost 70 hours a week. Slowly, I became more relaxed dealing with the public. For ten years, I pretty much dealt with animals only. They didn't talk back. In a way, I was scared of people and didn't trust them. I started to open up, I realized I could take care of myself and I became more confident.

Eventually, working 70 hours a week caught up to me. I was burnt out and I felt like my life consisted of work only. I made a decision to quit my night job. It was hard because the owners were always very good to me. They would always tell me what a good job I was doing. Every time a customer would compliment me the owners would come back and tell me how much it meant that I worked for them. This was exactly the things I needed to hear and it helped me grow. The day I put in my notice and told the wife, I cried. She hugged me and told me I how much I'd be missed and if I never needed work, I would be welcomed back. I sometimes still work for them when they cater of have banquets. Just a few weeks ago, the wife let me borrow a pair of her black pants so I could work a banquet for them. I shared my pregnancy news with them and the husband said, "Congratulations! Chloe will be lucky to be as half as beautiful as her Mama. If you ever need anything, I mean anything; let us know." His words made me want to cry.

I have settled into my day job and I love my customers. Sometimes, I am ashamed that at 30, I'm only a waitress. I think that this stems from coming from a family of over achievers. Everyone in my family went to college except me and I know this bothers my parents. In my heart, I don't feel like my mom is proud of me but I am proud of myself because I am making it on my own and in some small ways, I am making a difference in other peoples' lives. The things I do are simple things that make people smile. For example, an older couple comes in and they have a german shepard named "Jake". Jake is their son's dog, he's in Iraq. I always ask about Jake and bring a carry out container for their leftovers for Jake. There is a lady that always wants her coffee in a large to go cup, and she wants the freshest coffee from the back. There is a senior citizen that only wants a small, brown ceramic coffee cup, half full because her hand shakes. A man comes in every Sunday and wants banana pudding and decaf after his meal of turkey with no dressing or gravy and dry creamed potatoes. Because I remember these small details, it makes people feel special.

There are customers I will never forget. A couple that wants me to make their oatmeal fresh with a half a scoop of brown sugar. They always leave me little bookmarks with my tips. I have saved them all, Footprints in the Sand, Love is Patient, Psalms verses and so on. A few weeks ago, as I brought out their sweet tea in a to-go cup, she handed me some money. I glanced down and saw a $20.00 bill and said, "No, I can't take this. It's too much." She scolded me, "You don't just say no when someone wants to give you something. I want you to have this because it makes me feel good." I gave her a hug and wanted to cry. I did cry some on the way home and unfolded the $20.00 bill and realized it was two $20's.

There is a customer I used to see at the gym. When I stared my new life, I couldn't afford a gym membership anymore. The customer kept saying, "I miss seeing you at the gym, nobody can do the stairmaster like you." The other day after he left, sitting next to his coffee cup was a three month gym membership in my name. I got a lump in my throat again and teary eyed.

There is Bill. He's a diabetic. He always drinks diet coke or coffee with sweet and low. He wants two rolls with his meal. He orders a mini corn dog basket with extra ketcup to take to his son a work. Yesterday, after he left, I cleared his table and there was a note. "Buy something nice for yourself and buy something for the baby from me. Good things come to people who are very, very special." Inside was $60.00. I was in shock.

I want to cry not because I am sad but because I didn't believe that people were good and cared so much. I want to cry because these people that haven't known me for long are more concerned and giving than my own parents. I want to cry because sometimes I don't feel like I deserve their gifts and help. I want to cry because I don't know if "thank you" is enough.

I have used some of their generosity for Chloe. I have been waking up early on Saturday mornings and going to yard sales. I think people that put on yard sales are good and giving people too. They have to get out of bed early, set up all their stuff and they ask practically nothing for it. I have found baby clothes for 10 cents. This lot of clothes cost me a total of $2.50:


And I found her a baby crib that turns into a toddler bed. It's made of cherry wood and came with a waterproof mattress for the fantastic price of $30.00!


Everytime I dress Chloe and put her to bed, I will remember all the kind people that have helped us. I will make sure that one of Chloe's first words are "thank you".

"When you learn to live for others, they will live for you." ~Yogananda