Living Vicariously

Over the past few weeks I have had a lot of time to think about you and the changes that come with adding an addition to our family. One of the most fun things I look forward to may seem childish, but I think it's worth sharing. Getting to experience your childhood, seeing the wonder and amazement in your eyes at things we as parents have long since grown out of is going to be, for lack of a better word, fun. I can't wait to play with you, and yes play with your toys. Now I am not talking about sucking your pacifier or chewing on your teething ring when you aren't using them. I can't wait to see you laugh and giggle and smile at the little things. I probably will be a nuisance to your Mom in the toy section of any retail store, sometimes I can't resist touching the toys we pass in the aisles of stores now, just to hear the noise they make. It's a little known fact, but I seceretly have already amassed a great deal of experience playing with what would be considered girl's toys. Growing up it was just me and my younger sister and we had to find compromise in playtime in order to pass the time. I remember her first Easy-
Bake oven, and using soda caps from Pepsi bottles as Barbie toilets. In all fairness she also played with my G.I. Joe's and Transformer's, and the universally fun Lego's and Lincoln Logs. You coming into our lives brings back alot of fond memories, when the world seemed so big and the possibilities seemed so endless. I hope that we get to spend a great deal of time together.

On another note your Mom seems to be doing wonderful with being pregnant so far. She told me the other day that she plays games with you, that when you are in there kicking and punching around that she will tap back on her stomach and you will react. She is so beautiful, sometimes she shares her feelings about how she thinks that pregnancy makes her somehow unattractive. And that is so far from the truth. I think she is prettier now than she was before, and she was already a perfect ten in my eyes. I try to imagine what you are going to look like, which features from both of us you will inherit, but no matter what I know you are going to be beautiful. I'm sure later on in your life I will have a harder time dealing with that, especially when I have to learn to deal with you having a boyfriend, and dating, standing by the door waiting for you to get home. But for the next few years I won't let that worry me, I'm sure that your Mom's and my parenting will instill in you a good decision making process.

It seems like we have forever before I finally get to hold you, but time has really been flying by thus far. There isn't a day that goes by that you and your Mom aren't in my heart, thoughts, and prayers. A lot of poeple have told how much this experience will change me and my priorities. Normally, being a Taurus, I'm stubborn when it comes to change. I am very fond of routines. But I look forward to this change. To the joy it will bring to your Mom and to myself. Since the moment I met your Mother I have felt as thought I found that undescribable part of myself that was missing all these years. And between you and her I feel complete and on the right path. It might sound crazy but for three months before you were concieved your Mom and I already had picked out your first name and dreamed of you being a girl. The picture of the night light in the top left corner of this page is an item that has been on our kitchen table for some time now, we always said that whenever you came along that it would go in your nursery so the pertty colors could dance along your walls as you slept. I love you Chloe Jade, thank you for coming into our lives!