Chloe's Birth Story

“We wouldn't ask why a rose that grew from the concrete for having damaged petals. In turn, we would all celebrate its tenacity, we would all love its will to reach the sun. Well, we are the roses, this is the concrete and these are my damaged petals. Don't ask me why, thank god, and ask me how.” -Tupac

When Jerry and I first started dating, we would text quotes and poems to each other every night after I got off of work at the steak house. I would grab a glass of red wine and look up quotes to send to him. One of his favorite artists is Tupac. While I thought Tupac was nothing but a thug, I found some interesting quotes and poems he created. Jerry was very impressed when I sent him the quote above because he knew I wasn't into rap. The rose has become a theme in our relationship ever since. I'm his rose and he'll buy cards with roses, candy roses, a rose painting for my birthday. This little story does tie in to Chloe's birth story.

On Friday, the 22nd, I got ready for work at 4:30am as usual. I was 38 weeks and 5 days pregnant. Around 7am, I thought I was having contractions. My co-worker, "the ole gray mare", was enthusically timing them for me. They were sporadic and looking back, I was having false labor. By 10am, I started to feel funny. I was short of breath, my face felt hot, I was dizzy and my vision would get blurry. Around noon, people started to tell me I looked really red, my face, hands and chest. The manager told me I should go and get my blood pressure checked. I left work and drove to the doctor's office.

When I arrived, they took my blood pressure and the nurse wouldn't tell me the reading. She just sent me back to an examining room to see the doctor. When the doctor came in, he checked me, I hadn't dialated but had effaced about 50%. The major concern was my blood pressure, the reading was 140/102. He instructed me to go to labor and delivery at the hospital. They were going do some blood work to see if I was showing signs of pre-eclampsia.

When I got to labor and delivery, they put me in a room and wrapped two belts around my belly. One to monitor contractions and one to monitor Chloe's heart rate. My blood pressure still wasn't good. They did blood work and it came back normal. I had to lay on my left side for a few hours and my blood pressure dropped back to normal. The doctor came in and told me they wanted to keep me in the hospital and induce me that night. I didn't want that to be done. I wanted Chloe to decide when she was ready to come into the world. I refused the induction with the promise that I'd quit working, go home and rest as much as possible and return on Monday to have my blood pressure re-evaluated.

Over the weekend, I was still having mini contractions. Jerry was ready for Chloe to come. He had talked with people about natural ways to induce labor. A co-worker told him to have me eat spicy food and make love. His grandma told him to make me drink castor oil. A friend told him to make me go on a long walk. So on Saturday, we ate spicy mexican, bought a bottle of castor oil, went for a 2 1/2 mile walk and made love. I decided not to drink the entire bottle of castor oil that night. The primary reason was because it tasted like melted chapstick. I only got down two tablespoons. The bottle said, "may produce bowel movement in 3-6 hours". Within an hour, I was having severe cramping. I thought maybe I was finally in labor but unfortunately it turned into five hours of explosive diahrrea. Hot and spicy mexican food that burned my butt. The next morning, I was still going but nothing was left but intestinal lining. Thank god I only drank two tablespoons and not the entire bottle.

On Monday morning, I went back to have my blood pressure checked. Again, it was high even though I rested Sunday. My midwife, Peg, came in and told me it was time. My body had enough of pregnancy and my blood pressure could affect not only me but Chloe. I didn't have a choice anymore. I had to be back at the hospital at 8pm for induction. I asked what would happen. On Monday night, they would insert a strip of Cervadil next to my cervix to ripen my and finish effacement and on Tuesday morning they would start a drip of Pitocin to start contrations and hopefully dialate my cervix. She asked me about pain medication and I told her I was trying to have a natural childbirth. She warned me that Pitocin would start intense contractions that were close together. It wouldn't be a like a natural labor that built up slowly, Pitocin created contractions like hit you like a train wreck. I dismissed her and told her I thought I could handle the pain. I was more worried about what I would eat for my last meal before going to the hospital.

I called Jerry in tears after I left the office. I was scared and disappointed. This wasn't going the way I had imagined. I thought I would get to nudge him awake in the middle of the night, "honey it's time to go to the hospital." I was worried Chloe wasn't ready, everyone kept telling me I was small. What if Chloe wasn't fully developed? Jerry was more excited than I, knowing Chloe would be out soon. He was ready to pack the truck, he'd had the bags by the door for over a week. I decided to take a bath and shave one last time before we headed to Ruby Tuesday's for dinner. I ate a big dinner, mozzarella and tomato salad, artichoke and mushroom chicken breast and smashed cauilflower. I held and patted my belly all dinner, I was going to miss carrying Chloe. I enjoyed my pregnancy, I didn't mind my big, round tummy. I loved to feel her punch and kick.


When we arrived at the hospital, we carried all the bags to the room. I got into my gown and got into the bed. The nurse strapped the monitors on my belly again.
Then, she inserted the Cervadil which was very uncomfortable. She also gave me a sleeping pill because she said I needed a good night's sleep for all the work that would lie ahead the next morning. I was scared to take it because I only took Tylenol twice during my pregancy. I thought the sleeping pill would knock me out for days. Within an hour, I started to have real contractions. If I thought I was I was having them before, I was sorely mistaken. The tightening of my belly days before was like tip toeing through the tulips as opposed to running a marathon. By two in the morning, I was in tears. I could watch the monitor and see the contractions starting. Jerry was sleeping in a chair next to me with his feet propped up on the bed. I tried to wake him, "Honey, wake up. I need help." He dismissed my plea and in a painful state of rage, I kicked his feet off the bed into the floor. My rude awakening didn't sit well with him, I was starting to feel like horns were sprouting from my head. When the nurse returned at 3am, I told her I wanted the Cervadil strip removed. She said she had to check me first. As she did another exam, I felt like I was a cat with sharp claws that wanted to hang from the ceiling. I hadn't made much progress. My cervix had effaced to 90% but I was only 1cm dialated. I wanted to scream, all those contractions were in vain. She told me she'd be back at 6am to start the Pitocin. The sleeping pill never provided any rest. I watched the clock, neverously waiting the 6am drip.

By this time, the Pitocin had started intense contractions every three minutes. They looked like the French Alps on the graph. They came to a sharp peak that made me feel like I was going to break in to pieces. My stomach and back felt like a boa constrictor was squeezing me to death. My best friend was my bed rail. I would lie on my side and hold the rail for dear life with each wave. I couldn't talk, I could just huff and puff. I tried to focus on my breathing but eventually, my huff and puff would be interrupted with painful cries.


Every hour, the drip was increased which caused harder contractions closer together. The nurse or midwife Peg would check me periodically. At one pm, Peg said I had only dilated to 2cm but was almost completely effaced. I was so disappointed, the disappointment combined with the pain caused to me break down. Peg sat down and had a chat with me while I was bawling. "Why don't you want any pain medication, Michelle? If you were more relaxed you may dilate more effectively. I can give you something that will take the edge off the contractions. You know, I don't award any medals during childbirth. If you agree to medication, you don't lose." I was trying so hard to be strong and brave. I was also getting aggitated. Jerry was having a hard time dealing with seeing me in such pain. After talking with him, I agreed to take a dose of Stadol.


After the nurse pushed the Stadol through my IV, Stadol was my new best friend. If I had a beer and cigarette, I would have called in all my pals for a party.
I started talking and smiling again. I even wanted some Diet Pepsi which I spilled all over myself like a sloppy drunk. I could make trips to the bathroom pain free. Life was good again. I could still feel the contractions and had to breathe through them but I could deal with them without wanting to bite someone's head off.

I was checked again and I hadn't made anymore progress. The Stadol was still working and it prevented me from having a meltdown. They were going to stop the Pitocin and let me rest and have some dinner. They wouldn't let me eat anything all day. The next morning, the drip would be started again. I felt defeated. I felt scared for Chloe, maybe she wasn't ready and we were forcing her out.

My friends from work came, "the ole gray mare" nicknamed me "snail" when I started to show and waddle from table to table. She even bought me snail socks. One day at work I ate some noodles and was was extra preppy. Then, noodles were called snail juice. The ole gray mare said Chloe took after her Mama and was being a baby snail coming out. Terri bought me some Chix Filet for dinner. They brightened my spirits after a hard and dissapointing day.

I was given an Ambien sleeping pill again after dinner but no Cervadil(thank god). I actually slept that night.
When I woke up, Jerry had a present for me. A card and a rose coin. The rose coin had the verse about love is patient, love is kind on the back. I knew he was struggling with me, scared for Chloe, frustrated that my labor was taking so long. His little tokens gave me the strength to get through the next day. I would look at them on my rolling table knowing I wasn't enduring this rite of passage alone.

Early on Wednesday morning, the Pitocin drip was started again. This time, the contractions were almost immediate. They were less than two minutes apart and peaked off the charts. They didn't have to increase the dose as quickly to bring on stronger, faster contractions. By 9am, I was ready to rip the railings off the bed. With each contraction, I was a sobbing mess. All Jerry could do was sit by me and hold my hand. I called the nurse at 9:30, blubbering that I couldn't handle anymore. I was out of control. Peg was called and she said she'd be by in 10 minutes to check me. It was the longest ten mintues of my life. When Peg checked me, I had made faster progress in three hours than in the last two days, I was 4cm. Peg said she'd break my water to speed things up and then call for an epidural. I don't even remember my water being broken because the contractions were so intense.

The man came into the room instructing me to curl up on my side and to be really still while he inserted the needle in my back. At this point, I didn't care if he stuck a needle in my eye if it provided some pain relief. Jerry had a worried look on his face when he saw the needle and watch it go into my spine. I had to fight back my racking sobs as the contractions came while he inserted the needle. Peg kept talking to me, and holding me in position. When it was over, and the medication was working, I thought I had gone to heaven. I felt no pain, even though the contractions were the strongest I had seen. If I had a medal, I would have given it to the epi. man.

If you would have told me a week ago, that I would have five ladies examine my vagina twenty five times in two days, I would have told you when pigs fly. People would tell me horror stories about how giving birth would ruin my relationship with Jerry. "If you let him watch, he'll never want you again". Or, "having a vaginal birth will destroy your vagina forver". I got to the point of not caring, I had no modesty. After the epidural, I had to get a cathedar because I had no more feeling in legs to go to the bathroom. I felt like a frog that was hit by a semi truck, having my legs spread apart with no control. I didn't care as Jerry watched as the bag filled up with my urine. Two nurses came rushing in the room shortly after my water had broke. Chloe was having distress after every contraction. They thought her cord was being squeezed, cutting of blood flow. She wanted her swimming pool back. They made a decision to insert a tube into my uterus and refill it with saline. Now, I had a tube in my vagina, a tube in my urethra, all I needed was a tube in my butt to be a Frankstein experiment.

The saline pool helped Chloe handle the contractions again. When Peg checked me at 3pm and to my amazement, I was fully dialated. She said she thought Chloe was face up, making a more difficult exit. She wanted me to sit up for awhile to see if she'd turn.

She also told me Chloe would have a pointed head but not to worry, it would round out within a few days.

By 4pm, I started to push. We'd wait for a contraction and I'd curl up into a C, pull my legs back and push until I couln't breathe or I thought my head would explode. Jerry was on one side, holding a leg a nurse on the other and Peg in the middle. I thought that I wouldn't want to look but when Jerry was so excited to see her hair, I decided I wanted a mirror. I pushed with all my might but Chloe wasn't making much progress. Peg kept getting out lube to try to slide Chloe out, enough lube to supply a porn star marathon but she wouldn't budge. Jerry kept encouraging me but after an hour of pushing, Peg said she needed to give me an episotomy. I was scared and asked for the mirror to be removed. By the look on Jerry's face, I'm glad I didn't see, he looked scared but he still watched as his daughter came into the world.

After five or six more pushes, Chloe was born at 5:09pm, Feb 27th.
It was the most amazing moment in my life. This is the best picture I have ever had taken. First, it reminds me how much Jerry loves me. Not only was his hand on his daughter but he is cradling me too.

Poor Chloe did have a cone head, it's much better now. I can't imagine the headache she had.

We have been blessed. Chloe made it through a difficult labor with flying colors, she scored two nines on her apgar test. The most shocking was her size, Chloe weighed in at 8 pounds 2 ounces and was 21 inches long. Five minutes after delivery, she was nursing like a baby goat.

It took awhile for me to be stitched up. Today, I'm still in a lot of pain, trying to sit down or everytime I go to the bathroom. I'm still afriad to look at myself. Maybe I'll never be the same physically. It doesn't matter that I'm a rose with damaged petals because I have two people in this world that love me unconditionally. They are my family, something I thought I may never have. I couldn't imagine sharing this journey with anyone else.