A Month of Wonderful

Dear Chloe,

One month ago, your Dad was encouraging me to push when he saw your cabbage patch kid tuft of hair.


The pain of labor and delivery has faded. I'm more comfortable now and I've enjoyed the last two weeks with you. My oldest sister, your Aunt Deb, came and visited us for Easter. She brought us all sorts of goodies; food, blankets, toys, a jogging stroller, a breast pump and the beloved rocking chair. You love to be rocked. In the wee hours of the morning, at your 3am and 6am feedings, I'll stumble into the living room and rock while you nurse.



When your cord completely fell off, I got to start giving you real baths. I tried the plastic baby bath tub but you'd tilt your head to the side and drink the bath water. It also bothered me because you weren't getting rinsed off after sitting in dirty bath water. When I take a bath, I get into the shower afterwards to lather up and rinse again. I decided the kitchen sink would be the ideal bathing environment for you. I fill up one side of the sink with your bath water, lather you up and rinse you on the other side with the sprayer. Now, this is a hot topic with your Dad and I. He thinks it's torture when I spray you off. He'll actually leave the kitchen when I'm bathing you. You actually like the rinse cycle of the bath or are shocked because you don't make a peep when I hose you down.

We went to Grandpa's house for Easter dinner. Look at the size of his paws holding you! I think you got your monkey hands and feet from him.

Everytime we go out to dinner, when the food is put on the table you start to act up. I swear I think you can smell the food. I will leave the table and sit in another room and feed you first. I don't mind really, it's our special quiet time. We can listen to everyone talking and I've come to realize that meals aren't as important to me as they once were.


We went to your Dad's moms' house one evening and she fixed a down home southern dinner. Pot roast, mashed potatoes, green beans, mac and cheese, a chicken and broccoli braid, baby carrots and her famous biscuits. After I ate that rich meal, you wanted to nurse almost all night long, guess you thought it was good too.


So many people love you, Chloe. You haven't even uttered a word but you have a fan club. Your Dad, my parents, Dad's parents and my sisters are your number one fans. Grammie Penny calls you fatty pig-pig. It's not meant as an insult, it's words of endearment. She just can't believe you came out of me. You are already wearing 3 month old clothes! You were blowing up newborn diapers at week two.

We went on our first trip alone to Walmart alone together yesterday. I was real nervous about it. Should I put your carseat in the top of the cart or inside? What if you started crying while I was shopping? So, we made it to the chip/junkfood isle and then you started melting down. I was standing stil because I ran into one of my dog training friends. You didn't appreciate the cart stopping, you liked watching the florescent lights rolling above you. I had to take you out of the carseat and carry you while pushing the cart. You settled down and I decided to get a pedicure! That part was easy because I could hold and nurse you while they worked on my piggies. It was good to get out with you, people ohhhed and ahhhed over you. "She's so tiny", "Look at her eyes", "She's beautiful". I was one proud Mama.


Speaking of dogs, I want you to meet and get pictures of you and Monty before he passes away. Monty was the reason I felt like one day, I'd be a good mama. When Monty was my very best companion for many years. I got him when he was only 6 weeks old, I grinded him raw chicken necks, I woke with him in the wee hours to let him out of his crate to potty, I took him to classes to become a therapy dog. We walked hundreds of miles together, he watched me laugh and cry. When I had to leave him for vacations, I'd go to the grocery store and buy all sorts of crazy things for him; gizzards, livers, hearts, kidneys to make him special stews.I'd call and check in on him. People would tell me I was spoiling him but he turned to the best dog I ever owned. I finally understood what unconditional love felt like. I still think of him daily. One day soon, we will pick up Monty and take him for a walk. Monty's leash in one of my hands and you wrapped in your baby sling. It will be a good day, a perfect circle.


People tell me I am spoiling you too, Chloe. I just ignore them because I know how Monty turned out. You probably will be my only child so why shouldn't I lavish all my attention on you? I respond to your every call. I feed you on demand. I let you sleep in our bed at night. I usually retire earlier than your Dad and he'll bring you into our bed and hold you on his chest until you fall asleep. Then, he'll place you in between us and we all sleep together like the three bears.



My heart is heavy because I know all too soon, I'll have to return to work. I have been carrying and caring for you for almost a year now. When I have to leave you, it will feel like severing a part of myself. It will hurt to watch your Dad give you your first bottle. Breastfeeding is a bond I have enjoyed. I probably will have an anxiety attack my first day of work. Will your caregiver understand your cries? Will they hold you when you need love? Will they leave you in a dirty diaper? Will they forgive you when you act like satan? I know my own mom probably had the same fears. For now, I'll hold on tightly to you and enjoy our moments.

Three generations- Mom, Chloe and I.